Man: Do you know what station this is going to?
Passenger #1: Crazy town!
Passenger #2: [Nods.]Man: [Backs away slowly.]
–Port Washington train, Penn Station
Overheard by: Matt
Man: Do you know what station this is going to?
Passenger #1: Crazy town!
Passenger #2: [Nods.]Man: [Backs away slowly.]
–Port Washington train, Penn Station
Overheard by: Matt
Tourist: Excuse me, where’s the nearest exit?
Janitor: Uh, which exit?
Tourist: Any exit to get out of here.
Janitor: Anywhere.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jordan
Tourist lady #1 looking at map: I don’t get it. I don’t see Rockefeller Center. Where’s the tree?
Tourist lady #2: I don’t know. Do you just want to try and find Times Square instead?
–Times Square
Woman getting into cab: I need to go to Wall Street.
Cabbie: Can you give me directions?
–27th & Broadway
Conductor: Girls on the platform, get on the train. You are making the right choice.
–Manhattan-bound C train
Overheard by: Fish
Conductor: This is Second Ave. Transfer here to the V train. Ladies and gentlemen, the V train across the platform will leave first. [Train empties out.] Psych! [F train leaves first.]
–Crowded F train, 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Jas
Conductor: Go on, now — walk out the door. Just turn around now… Last stop.
–LIRR
Overheard by: not welcome anymore
Conductor, not into mic: Yes, I know this is Broadway. Stop touching that — just stay still for, like, five seconds… God! I swear to God and Jesus and whoever else, if you don’t stop doin’ things, I’m gonna leave you at the next stop! [Into mic] High Street, Brooklyn Bridge, this a Manhattan-bound F train. Stand clear of the closing doors, please. [Not into mic] That is it! This is so the last time I take you to work with me, you little– [mic turns off].
–F train, East Broadway
Overheard by: Mike N
Conductor: This is not a stop! This is not a stop! This is not a stop! [Train stops.] Okay, we’re stopping, but I’m not opening the doors!
–njt
Conductor: This is Grand Central station. Connections can be made here to the A, C, E, N, Q, W, R, and S trains. The rest of the alphabet is not included. Good luck.
–6 train
Tourist lady: Excuse me, where is West 54th Street?
Guy: You’re on it.
Tourist lady: Do you know where Jay Leno is?
Guy: Los Angeles.
–W 54th & 6th
Overheard by: shankalicious
Tourist hubby: Excuse me, how can I get to Broadway?
New Yorker: Take the A, C, L, J, or Z downtown — remember, downtown — all the way to Broadway Junction. It’s fairly far, but you can’t miss it.
Tourist wifey: Wow, New Yorkers are not the assholes people say they are.
–Union Square subway station
Overheard by: Ting
Man #1: Can you tell me where I can get the F train to Brooklyn from here?
Man #2: Are you sure you want to do that?
–Union Square
Overheard by: alexandra
Flight attendant on intercom: If you need any additional lighting, just reach up and press the grey button above your seat.
Passenger presses the ‘Call attendant’ button.
Flight attendant: That wasn’t the grey button.
–JFK
NYU chick #1: How do we get there?
NYU chick #2: The yellow line!
WASP lady screaming: There’s no yellow line! There are numbers and letters, no colors!
NYU chick #1: God! What a bitch!
WASP lady: Damn straight I’m a bitch! Get the fuck out of town!
–Union Square
Overheard by: um, I agree
