Passenger: Hi, I’d like to go to Rivington and Ludlow, please.
Cabbie: I don’t know where that is.
Passenger: That’s okay, I’ll show you how to get there.
Cabbie: But then how will I know how to get back?
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Charlemagne
Passenger: Hi, I’d like to go to Rivington and Ludlow, please.
Cabbie: I don’t know where that is.
Passenger: That’s okay, I’ll show you how to get there.
Cabbie: But then how will I know how to get back?
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Charlemagne
Info booth lady: I only have this map — it’s really not very helpful at all.
Tourist: Great! Thank you! This is exactly what I need!
–N train
Tourist on cell: I am looking at a big board that says LIRR. This can’t be Pennsylvania station.
Commuter: Hey, schmuck — LIRR is in Penn Station.
Tourist on cell: Oh, I am in the right place. Someone was nice enough to give me directions.
–Penn Station
Teen girl #1: Yeah, Florida is totally North of New York.
Teen girl #2: Are you kidding me? No, it’s not.
Teen girl #1: Yeah, it is! I mean, like, you drive North to the airport, right? And South of New York is just, like… water.
Teen girl #2, staring in disbelief: Wow.
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Shocked
Tourist lady: Excuse me, do you work here?
Employee: Yes, ma’am. Can I help you?
Tourist lady: Yes. Where are the toilets, please?
Employee: Up the escalators and take a left.
Tourist lady: Thank you. Number one or number two?
Employee: Well… You can do either, ma’am…
–Toys “R” Us, Times Square
Man: Do you know what station this is going to?
Passenger #1: Crazy town!
Passenger #2: [Nods.]Man: [Backs away slowly.]
–Port Washington train, Penn Station
Overheard by: Matt
Tourist: Excuse me, where’s the nearest exit?
Janitor: Uh, which exit?
Tourist: Any exit to get out of here.
Janitor: Anywhere.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jordan
Tourist lady #1 looking at map: I don’t get it. I don’t see Rockefeller Center. Where’s the tree?
Tourist lady #2: I don’t know. Do you just want to try and find Times Square instead?
–Times Square
Woman getting into cab: I need to go to Wall Street.
Cabbie: Can you give me directions?
–27th & Broadway
Conductor: Girls on the platform, get on the train. You are making the right choice.
–Manhattan-bound C train
Overheard by: Fish
Conductor: This is Second Ave. Transfer here to the V train. Ladies and gentlemen, the V train across the platform will leave first. [Train empties out.] Psych! [F train leaves first.]
–Crowded F train, 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Jas
Conductor: Go on, now — walk out the door. Just turn around now… Last stop.
–LIRR
Overheard by: not welcome anymore
Conductor, not into mic: Yes, I know this is Broadway. Stop touching that — just stay still for, like, five seconds… God! I swear to God and Jesus and whoever else, if you don’t stop doin’ things, I’m gonna leave you at the next stop! [Into mic] High Street, Brooklyn Bridge, this a Manhattan-bound F train. Stand clear of the closing doors, please. [Not into mic] That is it! This is so the last time I take you to work with me, you little– [mic turns off].
–F train, East Broadway
Overheard by: Mike N
Conductor: This is not a stop! This is not a stop! This is not a stop! [Train stops.] Okay, we’re stopping, but I’m not opening the doors!
–njt
Conductor: This is Grand Central station. Connections can be made here to the A, C, E, N, Q, W, R, and S trains. The rest of the alphabet is not included. Good luck.
–6 train
