Customer: Do you sell Lacoste here?
Sales associate: No, but they have a door right down on Spring Street.
Customer: How do I get there?
Sales associate: You go out our front door, make a right, and at the intersection make a left and the Lacoste store is right around the corner.
Customer: And they sell Lacoste there?
–Bloomingdales, Soho
Hardhat: Sir, what are you looking for?
Guy: There’s a store on this street that sells toupées for old ladies’ cunts.
–E 1st & 2nd
Overheard by: Cassie
Bimbette #1: Wait, I have to figure out where I am.
Bimbette #2: You are at Broadway and Houston.
Bimbette #1: No, I mean metaphysically…
–Broadway & Houston
Overheard by: KrisNYC
Tourist: Excuse me, ma’am? Can you tell me how to get to the Golden Gate Bridge?
Local, after long pause: Up two blocks, make a left. You can’t miss it.
–Union Square
Obnoxious woman: Excuse me, excuse me! Do you know where Park Place is?
Jaded youth: Next to Boardwalk.
Obnoxious woman: Where is that?
–E Broadway
Overheard by: Mr. Money Bags
Third grader: The only thing people know about New York the state is that Washington, DC is in it.
–Essex & Houston
Chick to friend: God, it’s not like we’re some third world country like Puerto Rico!
–33rd & 3rd
Overheard by: cait
Girl on cell: But I’m all the way downtown. I’m literally about as far downtown as you can get.
–13th & Broadway
Asian chick on cell: Amsterdam. It’s in Sweden… Or Switzerland… Oh, I don’t know. I have to go now.
–1 train, UWS
Overheard by: minerfa
Little girl looking at a Queens bus map: Donde esta Bolivia?
–Q38 bus, Elliot Ave, Queens
Overheard by: eMily
Tourist: Excuse me, how do I get to Times Square?
Ghetto dude: This is Times Square.
Tourist, slower and louder: No. Times Square.
Ghetto dude, slower and louder: This is Times Square.
Tourist: No, I’m looking for the actual square. Where’s the square?
Ghetto dude: Oh, you want the square… Go down six blocks, turn left, and go down three. You can’t miss it.
Tourist: Hey, thanks a lot, man.
Ghetto dude: Dumb fuck.
–42nd & Broadway
Passenger: Hi, I’d like to go to Rivington and Ludlow, please.
Cabbie: I don’t know where that is.
Passenger: That’s okay, I’ll show you how to get there.
Cabbie: But then how will I know how to get back?
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Charlemagne
Info booth lady: I only have this map — it’s really not very helpful at all.
Tourist: Great! Thank you! This is exactly what I need!
–N train
Tourist on cell: I am looking at a big board that says LIRR. This can’t be Pennsylvania station.
Commuter: Hey, schmuck — LIRR is in Penn Station.
Tourist on cell: Oh, I am in the right place. Someone was nice enough to give me directions.
–Penn Station
