Tourist: Excuse me, can you tell us how to get to downtown?
Local: Downtown where?
Tourist: Times Square.
–N/Q uptown platform, Canal St
Tourist: Excuse me, can you tell us how to get to downtown?
Local: Downtown where?
Tourist: Times Square.
–N/Q uptown platform, Canal St
Guy #1: There’s a laundromat! Should we get off?
Guy #2: No, let’s get off on the way back. Then we’ll be on the right side.
Guy #1: We’re on the right side now.
Guy #2: But there’s no way down to the street on this side.
Guy #1: The stairs are right there.
Guy #2: But they aren’t safe.
–Metro-North
Conductor: This train will be going express to 137th Street. The next stop on this train will be 137th Street.
Hobo: 137th Street! And if you don’t like it, buy your own train!
–1 train
Overheard by: EthanK
Lady: Excuse me, can you tell me where Chinatown is?
Chinese lady: Chinatown is everywhere! Any way you walk, there’s Chinatown! It’s all around us!
Lady: Thank you [begins walking away from Chinatown].
Chinese lady: Not that way! Come, follow me. This way! Come on!
–Lafayette & Worth
Lost tourist: Excuse me, can you tell how to get to 38th Street?
Guy passing out Metro: 38th Street? Sure. Here, take one of these [gives him a copy of Metro]. Now just keep walking that way [points towards Fifth Avenue].
Lost tourist: Hey! Thanks!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: would’ve lied also
Girl: We should spend less money on the war in Iraq and use it to help countries like Africa.
–Principles of Economics lecture, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ed
Receptionist: I?m sorry, Mr. Jones* is out of the country… He went to Florida.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Effy
Vendor: Welcome to Coney Island!
–Union Square
Irish tourists: Which direction is the lake?
–West Broadway & Canal St
Overheard by: Confused
Woman: Yeah, it’s the five bureaus: Manhattan, Harlem, Brooklyn, the Bronx, and Staten Island.
–Metro-North
Overheard by: Amused
British man in funny hat: All we want is a way to make ourselves more comfortable…
Ruffled employee: I already told you — the organic laxatives are that way!
–Fairway Market
Overheard by: obviously chortling
Southern tourist: Do you know where this boat takes us?
Upstate tourist: Ummm, Staten Island.
Southern tourist: Thanks! Everything is so confusing here.
Upstate tourist, to friends: Who the hell gets on a boat without knowing where it goes? And it’s the frickin’ Staten Island Ferry!
–Staten Island Ferry
Tourist: Excuse me, can I ask you a question? Where’s the apple?
Cop: What?
Tourist: You know, the big one? [Cop stares at her, then shrugs and points arbitrarily down Broadway.] Thanks!
–Times Square
Overheard by: I Just Work Here
Foreign tourist: Do you know if this train goes to Madison Square Garden?
MTA worker: Madison Square Garden? Whaaat? No… Madison Square Garden is in New York City. You’re in the wrong city, guys. [Foreign tourists look at each other, panicking.] Must have taken the wrong train gettin’ here, huh?
Foreign tourists hesitate, then run to catch up to MTA worker: How do we get back to New York?!
–Whitehall station
Overheard by: dan.j.w.
