Girl: That’s weird. I’m on the subway and my cell phone rang.
Guy: We’re on the bridge.
Girl: Oh shit! I was supposed to get off at Canal Street!
–Q train
Overheard by: David
Guy: This station needs to be named Hell.
–Canal Street station
Overheard by: Nic
Dork: Yeah, but he can spend all that money and gross like a billion dollars, but it’s totally gonna fuck up his legacy, man. Like that guy who was playing when Mozart was around, you know? Whatever happened to that guy?
–Diner, Astoria
Man: How could you do that to me on my birthday month?
–5th between 19th & 20th
Overheard by: Marci Kaufman
Girl: When you look at a little person, don’t you just want to pick them up?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Melissa Wechsler
Art Store guy: …the Army was really persistent. They said, “Oh, we always need artists in the Army.” And I’m like, “No, you fucking don’t! What am I gonna do, paint with the enemy’s blood?”.
–New York Central Art Supply, 3rd Avenue
Overheard by: tourist girl
Lady: Excuse me, is this train going uptown or downtown?
–L train platform, Union Square station
Overheard by: Brenna Sinnott
Tourist guy: Yo, where’s the main road around here?
NY guy: Huh? Main road?
Tourist guy: Yeah, you know, the main drag. I don’t know where the fuck I am, so I figure I’ll find the main road and go from there.
NY guy: Well, where are you trying to go?
Tourist guy: Just the main fucking road, man. Where’s that?
NY guy: This is New York. They’re pretty much all main roads. I mean, look at the traffic.
Tourist guy: They can’t all be main roads.
NY guy: OK. What about Broadway?
Tourist guy: I was just on Broadway. There’s nothing there. Where’s Times Square?
NY guy: It’s right on Broadway.
Tourist guy: No, it’s not, dude! I was just there and there’s nothing there!
NY guy: OK, look. You wanna get to Times Square?
Tourist guy: At least that would be something.
NY guy: Fine. Turn around and walk back to Broadway–
Tourist guy: I don’t want to go on Broadway! What’s over there?
NY guy: The East River. The U.N.
Tourist guy: Fuck that.
–38th & 5th
FishBowlNY chick: Not only do you blog about everything, you blog in five different blogs about everything.
–Slainte, The Bowery
Hipster guy: Everyone keeps asking me why I’m sad, and I’m like, “I’m not sad, I’m from New York.”
–St. Mark’s between 1st & A
Overheard by: Danny G.
Woman: I have some friends, and they lived in Brooklyn all they lives, and they ain’t ever been to Kings Plaza Shopping Mall. They so limited!
–5 train
Tourist woman: Excuse me, can you tell me where the big apple is?
–43rd & Broadway
Overheard by: katie cunningham
Woman: What I love most about New York is that wherever you go, in every neighborhood, there’s garbage on the curb. To me, that’s democracy.
–University & 11th
Lady: You never see girls wearing shorts in New York City unless they’re tourists.
–57th & Broadway
Guy on cell: Well I’m sorry, Princess, if New York doesn’t smell like a bed of roses!
–Church & Worth
Overheard by: Becka Dash
NY Post guy: This boat is bootlegged! It won’t turn left!
–Penn Station
NY Post guy: Read all about it! Discovery shuttle is a bootleg…doesn’t work…can’t turn left. Read all about it!
–Penn Station
Overheard (correctly) by: Toon
Guy on cell: Where am I? I’m always some place watching some crazy shit. I’m watching some motherfuckin’ Indian shit, son. Some shit from some country. They’re doing a rain dance, son. It’s gonna motherfuckin’ rain soon. They’re doing a motherfuckin’ rain dance, son. They’re dancing and shit.
–St. Mark’s Church
Overheard by: Alex Romanovich
Woman: Where are all the restaurants?
–Times Square station
Overheard by: Kate
Woman on cell: Where am I? I’m at home; I’m just about to go down and get a cab. Where are you?
–Gristede’s, 63rd & West End
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Driving guy: Is this Brooklyn?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Captain Obvious
Driving guy: Excuse me, which way is Manhattan?
–40th & Broadway
Girl: Excuse me sir, how do you get to Times Square?
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti
Man on cell: No, no. I’ll never make it. I’m still in Jersey.
–85th & 2nd
Overheard by: JDH
Blind man: Hi, can you tell me which way to the N/R line?
Asian dude: Uhh…that way.
–Atlantic Avenue station
Overheard by: JL
Conductor, doors closing at East Broadway: This is a Manhattan-bound F train, next stop Steinway Street.
Conductor, doors closing at Delancey: This is a Manhattan-bound F train, next stop 23rd Street.
Girl: Should I be worried?
–F train
Overheard by: Suzanne
Woman #1: Excuse me, is this the right way to Canal Street?
Woman #2: Yeah, keep walking north, you can’t miss it.
Woman #3: It’s about 4, 5 blocks.
Woman #1: Oh, OK…is that where you can get the stuff?
–Church & Thomas
Overheard by: Becka
Tourist boy: I thought Grand Central station was huge. Like, a whole city underground and stuff.
Tourist girl: Wait.
–6 train, pulling into Grand Central station
Overheard by: Jonathan
Tourist: Where is Saks Fifth Avenue?
New Yorker: On Fifth Avenue, you moron!
–46th & 6th
Woman #1: Excuse me, does the N train stop at Central Park?
Woman #2: Lady, go ask a fucking crystal ball, or learn how to read a damn subway map.
–Union Square station
Overheard by: Craig D
A truck driver is parked on the side of the road, honking at what appears to be nothing at all. A female pedestrian shoots him a dirty look.
Truck driver: Nobody’s honking at you, you dumb bitch!
–Bay Ridge
Tourist: Which way is the Empire State Building?
Newspaper vendor: What do I look like, a fuckin’ road map?
–outside Grand Central
Overheard by: Dork
A trendy guy walked out into oncoming traffic, forcing an SUV to slam on the brakes. The driver screamed out of his open window: The hell you think you are, my hood ornament?
–40th & 7th
