Comic geek: Talking kryptonite?! That was the worst thing ever!
Cute employee: Oh, yeah?
Comic geek: Yeah! A couple years ago they did a story that was narrated by Arkham Asylum. I mean, that made sense. Fuckin’ Arkham! But talking kryptonite? What the fuck is that?
Other employee: Maybe it wasn’t kryptonite. Maybe it was just a rock with green paint and low self-esteem.
–Midtown Comics, Grand Central
Black dude #1: Hey, snowflakes!
Black dude #2: Wanna drink some nigga juice tonight?
White chick #1 to friend: Are you sure you feel safe walking back by yourself?
White chick #2: Yeah, I usually don’t get harassed this much. I think it’s just because there are two of us.
White chick #1: So it’s exponential?
White chick #2: Exactly. Right now, we’re whiteness, squared.
–116th & Lex
Overheard by: blinded by the light
Nerdy white boy whose homework just blew away in the wind: Dang!
Ghetto girl: Looks like you ain’t doin’ yo’ math homework tonight, nigga!
–7 train
Overheard by: Jodi
Nerdy chick: Yeah, but when it comes to in-tangible objects, he’s really irresponsible.
–Fort Tryon Park
Dorky guy: Maybe I’ll take you to Lucky Cheng’s.
Date: Huh?
Dorky guy: I thought you’d heard of it. See, men dress up as women there. They’re called transvestites. Some of them even have had surgery. I won’t really take you there. I just wanted to understand your thought process. See how you react when I throw something like that out there.
Date: What? Are you taking me there?
–14th St
Geek: Well, she was dog-sitting and the dog died. The family, I guess, was someplace where they couldn’t get home, so she had to take care of it.
Dude: Take care of it?
Geek: Well, she was in Boston but didn’t have a car and didn’t know what to do with it because she couldn’t carry it, so she put it in a rolling suitcase to take it to the vet. On her way there, some guy saw her struggling with the bag and offered to help her carry it. When they were almost to the vet he asked what was in the bag, and, because I guess she didn’t think she could tell him that there was a dead dog in the bag, she said, ‘Electronics!’ Apparently, he looked at her, looked at the bag, punched her in the face, and ran off with the dog! Can you fucking believe it?! He stole the dead dog!
Quiet friend: … Did she have a black eye?
Dude: I can’t wait to talk to her when we get back to Boston so I can make fun of her! [Later…] I swear to God, if some girl I was fucking got knocked up, I would kill myself. Well, I would kill myself and then I would punch her in the face… Fuck, if she got pregnant, I would tear that baby out with a fork!
–Metro-North, New Haven line
Asian nerd #1: … Of course, ’cause I’d rather all of them have my DNA and not some other random person’s!
Asian nerd #2: No, of course, dude, I totally agree.
–NYU
Suit: You know any good bars around here?
Nerd: No. This area is too cool for me.
–Ave A, between 6th & 7th
Dorky bookstore guy: Teaching is like the biggest safety net of all.
Cute dorkette: You’re my safety net!
Dorky bookstore guy, seeing her: Aw, you’re my safety net.
–The Strand, Broadway & 12th St
Overheard by: Ian
Loser: You know something? I like to stick ice together.
–Quizno’s, St. Mark’s Place
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist