Girl: Do you wanna do ‘shrooms with me?
Guy: No way, man. I don’t do drugs.
Girl: But drugs are awesome!
Guy: How about this — since there’s nothing more awesome than you, you can be my drug.
Girl: And then you can do me!
Guy: Okay… Well, that’s not really where I was going with that, but alright.
Girl: Wow, shows you where my head is at.
–86th & Broadway
Dude #1: Did you fuck Josie yet?
Dude #2: Nah, not even a kiss.
Dude #1: I’ll tell her you have the rhino cock.
Dude #2: But then when she sees it, won’t she be disappointed?
Dude #1: That’s a valid point.
–Shake Shack
Overheard by: larry lohan
Roommate #1: Work sucks. I’m so tired. I’m going to go to bed.
Roommate #2: Yeah, you should go to bed. You seem pretty sad, but not as sad as you’re going to be tomorrow morning.
Roommate #1: Yeah. Tomorrow’s going to suck.
Roommate #2: Hey, man, don’t worry. Tomorrow is going to be great! Good things are going to happen.
Roommate #1: Yeah, but not to us.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: Dave
Guy #1: He almost got married to a 15-hundred-dollar a night hooker!
Guy #2: Really? So, what broke the deal?
Guy #1: He found out she was a 15-hundred-dollar a night hooker.
Guy #2: He wasn’t paying her the whole time?
Guy #1: Naw, he was getting it for free!
Guy #2: Awesome.
–122nd & Broadway
Black guy #1: Yes, well, we look alike because we’re fraternal twins.
Black guy #2: Yeah, you didn’t know we were brothers?
White guy: Everyone said you guys were brothers, but I figured they meant ‘brothas’ and not actual brothers.
Black guy #1: Oh… Okay. Hey, look, we’re at Shea.
–LIRR, Shea Stadium
Girl: You wanna know something really, really, really fucked up?
Guy: What? Having sex with people?
–Mercer & Greene
Overheard by: waphle
Salon receptionist calling man in waiting room: David*, you can pre-pay now.
David: I am here for a touch-up. I don’t have to pay this time.
Salon receptionist: Oh, that’s right — what are you getting re-touched, again?
David: My buttocks… Y’know, my butt.
–7th Ave South & Greenwich Ave
Girl: Yeah, so then Bob said–
Guy: –Wait, who’s Bob?
Girl: SpongeBob.
Guy: Oh, right, right.
–Sullivan & Bleecker
Hardhat: Sir, what are you looking for?
Guy: There’s a store on this street that sells toupées for old ladies’ cunts.
–E 1st & 2nd
Overheard by: Cassie
Guy: I wish my parents had circumcised me… I want to be cut, but I can’t imagine going through the pain now.
Pal: Yeah, glad I don’t have that hanging over my head…
–NYU
Overheard by: TMan
