Hobo: Any change? Anything you got to give?
Suit: I wish I had something to give, but pretty soon, I’m going to be like you.
Hobo: My man, you cannot be this awesome.
–Bleecker & Lafayette
Archive for the ‘Homeless’ Category
Except I’d Never Panhandle in a Neighborhood As Dead As Tribeca
Hobo: Listen, man, I’m homeless. Now, I’m not askin’ for money or nothin’, but…
Extremely well-dressed young man: Hey, me too!
Hobo: What?
Extremely well-dressed young man: Yep! Just moved here from Boston, couch surfing in Tribeca! I feel ya, buddy. God bless!
–42nd & 8th
Everyone Knows Homeless Men Are for Practicing Your Blowjobs!
Prostitute #1: And then she got pregnant by a homeless man!
Prostitute #2: Even I think that’s low!
–Doyers St.
Diner Fun
Drunk: Where’s my boy, man?
–Odessa, Ave. A
Wednesday One-Liners As Portrayed by Steinbeck
Hobo, after playing keyboard and screaming Christmas carols: Ladies and gentlemen, if you have any change I would greatly appreciate it. It would be going to a good cause — I need a lot of therapy.
–L stop, Union Square
Overheard by: sunny maguire
Crazy hobo to no one: It’s the Hudson River — it moved! On Christmas day, it will be April 15th. Sign my petition.
–M15 bus, Ave A
Overheard by: Getting off at next stop
Hobo: I’ll be your lover for a month if you buy me a motorcycle.
–79th & Broadway
Hobo to puddle: You don’t fucking know, man. Shit. You don’t fucking know.
–Penn Station
Homeless woman at 11 in the morning: I’m sorry to bother you all. I am homeless, and I haven’t had a decent meal since earlier today.
–F train to Brooklyn
Overheard by: I hadn’t had a decent meal at all at that time
Hobo to hobo friend: Yo, let me get your e‑mail!
–W 27th St
It Takes a Lot of Effort To Make Wednesday One-Liners Look This Good
Guy to male friend: We believe that the better you look, the more spiritual you are.
–1st St & 5th Ave., Brooklyn
Overheard by: PrairieSquid
Man collecting money for the homeless: Come on guys, I’m way too pretty to be homeless.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Dara
Middle-aged African American male, with a blue NY Giants baseball cap on, and a fur coat: I’m pretty… I’m pretty… I’m pretty
–59th St Subway Station
Overheard by: nickporjr
Bum: Hey pretty! Hey pretty!
[Pretty girl coughs violently and sneezes at the same time.]Bum: Feel better, pretty.
–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope
Middle-aged, Chelsea-fit white guy on iPhone: Well, neither you nor any of your sisters were the beauty that I was…
–21st St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Sean
Middle-aged man: You know who was good-looking? Stalin, when he was younger. He was so dashing!
–104th & West End
Overheard by: communist!
Hygienic Wednesday One-Liners
A homeless guy is sleeping
Other dude: You smell like you want to be alone.
–A train
A Little Wednesday One-Liner in a Big Pond
Drunk girl: I just love a cock in my mouth! It is a fact of my life, like Blair and Tootie. I want to be carnivorous. I will eat fish if it’s the only thing on the menu, but I really just want some meat! I’m not fishiverous!
–Party, Ditmars Boulevard, Astoria
Overheard by: likes steak AND seafood
Girl to friend: Surely if she was ever in possession of a penis, then on merit she would inherit the family lobster farm?
–28th & 7th
Ginger: Garibaldi… That is so weird. That is the name of the California state fish. I wonder if the statue is named after the fish.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: camillo cavour
Man to wife: That’s too much calamari, even for a homeless guy.
–East Village
With Benefits
Girl #1: You know that guy she is with? He’s not homeless, but he just got off the homeless track, you know?
Girl #2: Yeah, she’s like his little helper.
–Metro North Rail
The Two Would Go on to Become Lifelong Friends
Hobo to drunk with spilled beer on lap: Hey man, got any spare change?
Drunk: Sorry man, I just peed myself.
Hobo: Happens to the best of us.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Ray
