Another Round of Wednesday One-Liners

Woman: She brought a bottle of vodka on the plane with her. She was doing shots the whole flight.

–Central Park

Overheard by: sarah

Conductor: The next stop is Cherry Hill, but for the men singing, it was alcohol.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Date Rape

Smooth operator: Don’t worry, I thought you were pretty before I got drunk.

–Subway

Party girl: Yeah, so I did like 10 shots and woke up the next day wearing only one shoe and a sombrero.

–51st St & Broadway

Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, I have spent all my money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… But now, I have learned my lesson. I want to spend all your money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… and viagra…

–Union Square, uptown 6 train

Guy: Dude, I can’t get that drunk. I am trying to fuck that girl tonight.

–Outside Columbia dorm

Bimbette: Oh my god, it was a terrorist act! I’m going to the wine bar.

–68th St & York

Posted on June 8, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Bimbettes, Central Park, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Conductors, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Ew, Jersey, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Homeless, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Places, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Terrorism, Topics, Upper East Side, Venues, Weed, Women, Yeaaahhh College!

New York City’s Alternative Energy Source

Girl #1: Why is it so hot in here?
Girl #2: Hobo farts.

–1 train station, 168th St

Posted on May 23, 2023
Default, Farting & Burping, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Heat, Homeless, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Train Station

Then Can I Be…Your Apprentice?

Hobo: Any change? Anything you got to give?
Suit: I wish I had something to give, but pretty soon, I'm going to be like you.
Hobo: My man, you cannot be this awesome.

–Bleecker & Lafayette

Posted on January 20, 2023
Compare/Contrast, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Panhandling, Suits, The Village, Wishes & desires

Except I'd Never Panhandle in a Neighborhood As Dead As Tribeca

Hobo: Listen, man, I'm homeless. Now, I'm not askin' for money or nothin', but…
Extremely well-dressed young man: Hey, me too!
Hobo: What?
Extremely well-dressed young man: Yep! Just moved here from Boston, couch surfing in Tribeca! I feel ya, buddy. God bless!

–42nd & 8th

Posted on December 26, 2022
Hobos, Homeless, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Panhandling

Everyone Knows Homeless Men Are for Practicing Your Blowjobs!

Prostitute #1: And then she got pregnant by a homeless man!
Prostitute #2: Even I think that's low!

–Doyers St.

Posted on December 26, 2022
Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Homeless, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Prostitutes

Diner Fun

Drunk: Where’s my boy, man?

–Odessa, Ave. A

Posted on October 14, 2022
Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Black People, Crazies, Death, Food, History & Geography, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, On the Subway, Only in New York, People, Places, Topics, U.S. Geography, We Love Our Pets

Wednesday One-Liners As Portrayed by Steinbeck

Hobo, after playing keyboard and screaming Christmas carols: Ladies and gentlemen, if you have any change I would greatly appreciate it. It would be going to a good cause — I need a lot of therapy.

–L stop, Union Square

Overheard by: sunny maguire

Crazy hobo to no one: It’s the Hudson River — it moved! On Christmas day, it will be April 15th. Sign my petition.

–M15 bus, Ave A

Overheard by: Getting off at next stop

Hobo: I’ll be your lover for a month if you buy me a motorcycle.

–79th & Broadway

Hobo to puddle: You don’t fucking know, man. Shit. You don’t fucking know.

–Penn Station

Homeless woman at 11 in the morning: I’m sorry to bother you all. I am homeless, and I haven’t had a decent meal since earlier today.

–F train to Brooklyn

Overheard by: I hadn’t had a decent meal at all at that time

Hobo to hobo friend: Yo, let me get your e-mail!

–W 27th St

Posted on October 12, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Hobos, Homeless, Wednesday One-Liners

It Takes a Lot of Effort To Make Wednesday One-Liners Look This Good

Guy to male friend: We believe that the better you look, the more spiritual you are.

–1st St & 5th Ave., Brooklyn

Overheard by: PrairieSquid

Man collecting money for the homeless: Come on guys, I’m way too pretty to be homeless.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Dara

Middle-aged African American male, with a blue NY Giants baseball cap on, and a fur coat: I’m pretty… I’m pretty… I’m pretty

–59th St Subway Station

Overheard by: nickporjr

Bum: Hey pretty! Hey pretty!
[Pretty girl coughs violently and sneezes at the same time.]Bum: Feel better, pretty.

–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Middle-aged, Chelsea-fit white guy on iPhone: Well, neither you nor any of your sisters were the beauty that I was…

–21st St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Sean

Middle-aged man: You know who was good-looking? Stalin, when he was younger. He was so dashing!

–104th & West End

Overheard by: communist!

Posted on September 30, 2022
Activists, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Family Ties, Friends, Guys, History & Geography, Homeless, Illness, Men, Nice People, Offers and requests, Panhandling, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires

Hygienic Wednesday One-Liners

A homeless guy is sleeping

Other dude: You smell like you want to be alone.

–A train

Posted on September 26, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Health and Hygiene, Homeless, On the Subway, One-liners, Scents of the City

A Little Wednesday One-Liner in a Big Pond

Drunk girl: I just love a cock in my mouth! It is a fact of my life, like Blair and Tootie. I want to be carnivorous. I will eat fish if it's the only thing on the menu, but I really just want some meat! I'm not fishiverous!

–Party, Ditmars Boulevard, Astoria

Overheard by: likes steak AND seafood

Girl to friend: Surely if she was ever in possession of a penis, then on merit she would inherit the family lobster farm?

–28th & 7th

Ginger: Garibaldi… That is so weird. That is the name of the California state fish. I wonder if the statue is named after the fish.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: camillo cavour

Man to wife: That's too much calamari, even for a homeless guy.

–East Village

Posted on September 24, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, BJs, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Food, Friends, Girls, History & Geography, Homeless, Names, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Parks, Penis, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Visual Art, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires