Bum, to smoking cater waiter: Can I get a smoke?
Cater waiter: (nods saying “no”)
Bum, pulling a cigarette out of his ear: Then, can I get light?
Cater waiter: (lights it)
Bum: Can I get five bucks?

–14th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Where’s your sense of rhythm?

Anorexic JAP on cell: …No money, so I stopped dating him.
Hobo: Whore.
Anorexic JAP, to hobo: Excuse me?
Hobo: Nice thighs — have another doughnut.

–East Village

Woman from first‐floor window of brownstone: Hi… Can I help you?
Hobo going through her trash: Uh… Is this house for sale?

–12th & 2nd

Overheard by: lolo

Young girl: I saw the funniest bum the other day. He was doing this little dance, it went like this. (mimics dance)
Friend (laughing): Yeah? Well, was he dressed up?
Young girl: Yeah, like a bum.

–50th & Broadway

Vaguely‐homeless woman: You faggot!
Vaguely‐homeless man: That’s “mister faggot” to you!

–Discarded Couch, 2nd Ave & Houston

Girl: I was so wasted last night. I think I gave a blowjob to a hobo in the park. 

–St. Marks & 2nd

Overheard by: Constantino

Hobo #1: Man, god never did ’nuffin’ for me. Look at me.
Hobo #2: Captain Kirk fucks purple bitches!

–9th St b/w Ave B & C

Overheard by: RR Dr. GZA

Hobo: How are you doin’? Do you need some money? You need a dollar or two?
Woman: No thanks, I’m okay.
Hobo: Okay, god bless you.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Lisa 

Girl #1: Did you see those two homeless men fighting by the subway?
Girl #2: I know! That was horrible!
Girl #1: Yeah. I was rooting for the guy in blue.
Girl #2: Really? I was going for the other one.


Lady: Sorry, I don’t have any change.
Hobo: Girl, I don’t want your money. I want your phone number!

–60th & Park

Overheard by: How exactly is he going to call her?