Mother: Honey, we’re going to leave if you don’t stop. You already had hot chocolate and a scone.
Toddler: But Mommy, I want another hot chocolate!
Mother, gently sipping her own coffee: Honey, you’re acting like you’re on baby crack.
–Espresso 77, Jackson Heights
Mom with camera, chasing kid: Are you gonna be a weenie, or are you gonna let me take your picture?
Kid: I want to go inside! I’m all wet!
Mom: You are being a weenie!
–Top of Empire State Building [while raining]
Mom: Just stand still, Alyssa. [Little girl tries to reach into mom’s shopping bag.] Don’t touch that! I said don’t touch it! Do you want to go see Santa?
Little girl: Nooo!
Mom: Well, if you keep touching that, I’m going to bring you to see Santa! [Minutes later, girl reaches into bag again.] What did I tell you?! Santa’s gonna get you! He’s gonna come get you in your sleep!
–6 train
Overheard by: Elisabeth
Black mom: You chokin’?
Son: [Choking.]Black mom: Hmmm?
Son: [Choking, grasping at throat.]Black mom, hitting him hard on the back, causing him to cough something up: There. Now quit jumpin’ and movin’ when you eatin’ a lollipop.
–13th & University
Overheard by: Mathew
Angry kid: Man, I’m tired of seeing that naked white fag with the guitar all the time.
Friend: Your dad?
Angry kid: No, you dumb fuck! That freak over there — he’s in postcards and shit. He’s like a celebrity, kinda.
Friend: I think that’s your dad…
Angry kid: Fuck you, ho.
–TKTS station, Times Square
Nanny: So, do you like being poor?
Obviously-not-poor child: Can I have a cookie?
Nanny: Maybe you should think about how you don’t like being poor instead of cookies.
–W 77th, between Broadway & West End
Overheard by: Jen
Little boy: If you fell down and I saved you, would you love me?
Little girl: Nigga, please — I don’t want yo’ dirty-ass hands touchin’ my dress.
–B train
Overheard by: LSB
Eight-year-old girl pointing at bin of toys: Mommy, which one should I get?
Mommy dearest: I don’t give a shit.
–Chinatown
Little grandson: Yo! He gonna go get some dicks!
Ghetto grandma: Where you learn to talk like? [To other passengers] I’m sorry. He needs his medication.
Little grandson: Dicks! Bitch! Coca-Cola!
–N train
Overheard by: CarrieBoo
Six-year-old boy #1: … And I was like, ‘Fucking lawyers!’
Six-year-old boy #2: Yeah!
–96th & CPW
Overheard by: after your alimony, are they?
