Mom: Just stand still, Alyssa. [Little girl tries to reach into mom’s shopping bag.] Don’t touch that! I said don’t touch it! Do you want to go see Santa?
Little girl: Nooo!
Mom: Well, if you keep touching that, I’m going to bring you to see Santa! [Minutes later, girl reaches into bag again.] What did I tell you?! Santa’s gonna get you! He’s gonna come get you in your sleep!
–6 train
Overheard by: Elisabeth
Black mom: You chokin’?
Son: [Choking.]Black mom: Hmmm?
Son: [Choking, grasping at throat.]Black mom, hitting him hard on the back, causing him to cough something up: There. Now quit jumpin’ and movin’ when you eatin’ a lollipop.
–13th & University
Overheard by: Mathew
Angry kid: Man, I’m tired of seeing that naked white fag with the guitar all the time.
Friend: Your dad?
Angry kid: No, you dumb fuck! That freak over there — he’s in postcards and shit. He’s like a celebrity, kinda.
Friend: I think that’s your dad…
Angry kid: Fuck you, ho.
–TKTS station, Times Square
Nanny: So, do you like being poor?
Obviously-not-poor child: Can I have a cookie?
Nanny: Maybe you should think about how you don’t like being poor instead of cookies.
–W 77th, between Broadway & West End
Overheard by: Jen
Little boy: If you fell down and I saved you, would you love me?
Little girl: Nigga, please — I don’t want yo’ dirty-ass hands touchin’ my dress.
–B train
Overheard by: LSB
Eight-year-old girl pointing at bin of toys: Mommy, which one should I get?
Mommy dearest: I don’t give a shit.
–Chinatown
Little grandson: Yo! He gonna go get some dicks!
Ghetto grandma: Where you learn to talk like? [To other passengers] I’m sorry. He needs his medication.
Little grandson: Dicks! Bitch! Coca-Cola!
–N train
Overheard by: CarrieBoo
Six-year-old boy #1: … And I was like, ‘Fucking lawyers!’
Six-year-old boy #2: Yeah!
–96th & CPW
Overheard by: after your alimony, are they?
Dad riding bicycle with young daughter in child seat: … And I used to think about my rabbit every day!
Daughter, incredulously: Are you insane?!
–5th & 6th, Park Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Doc
Little girl looking at sculpture of Jessica Simpson: Look, Mommy — Britney Spears!
–Madame Tussauds
Overheard by: Mimbo
