Dude #1: Is cable a need or a necessity?
Dude #2: What?!
Dude #1: I mean, clothes are a need — you need to wear clothes — so cable’s a necessity, not a need.
–F train
Dude #1: Is cable a need or a necessity?
Dude #2: What?!
Dude #1: I mean, clothes are a need — you need to wear clothes — so cable’s a necessity, not a need.
–F train
Little boy pointing to subway ad: Mommy, what are those?
Mother: Those are grown-ups.
Little boy: Kids.
Mother: No, those are just happy grown-ups, so they look like kids.
–1 train
Chick: Did you see that bumper sticker?
Dude: Which one?
Chick: It said, ‘None are free when others are oppressed.’
Dude, annoyed: That makes no sense whatsoever.
–33rd & 9th
Overheard by: Ben
Escalator attendant: Escalator’s not working. Take the stairs… Over there. Follow the crowd.
Alternative student, disgusted: Follow the crowd?!
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
Black chick #1: Geminis are the only people we need in this world.
Black chick #2: No, I think you’re wrong.
Black chick #1: What sign are you?
Black chick #2: I’m a Libra.
Black chick #1: No, we don’t need no Libras, Aries, or Tauruses.
Black chick #2 to her friend: What sign are you?
Friend: I think I’m a Scorpio.
Black chick #1: I’ve fucked a few Scorpios, they’re okay.
–2 train
Overheard by: Just wanted to get home
Chick #1: Pretty much every girl will sleep with anybody if she’s got a few drinks in her. But there are only, like, one or two guys she’ll have sober sex with. Right this moment, the only person I’d want to have sober sex with is Jake.
Chick #2: Why?
Chick #1: Because I’m fucking in love with him.
–R train
Guy: I’ve been finding myself becoming more and more of a misanthropist.
Bimbette: I tried that once, but the chains were a bit much.
Guy: [Angry glare.]
–BBQ, 8th & University Pl
Frat boy #1: Dude, when do you graduate?
Frat boy #2: Like, next year, man.
Frat boy #1: How long have you been in school, man? Like, five years, right?
Frat boy #2: Anyone that leaves college in less than five years is a loser. It’s like someone who leaves the party at 10:30 — things are just getting started!
–Line for The Colbert Report
Overheard by: Praying he stops talking
Kid: I don’t got no energy for dodgeball.
Speech therapist: You don’t have any energy for dodgeball? There’s always energy for dodgeball. [Kid looks confused.] Trust me, there’s always room for JELL-O, and there is always energy for dodgeball. It’s the law.
–P.S. 31, Queens
Overheard by: Wondering what that session was like
Bar patron dude: No, I don’t think you’re using that right. A ‘moment of clarity’ is a concept from Alcoholics Anonymous.
Bartender chick: But you’re not an alcoholic! So your moment of clarity is when you finally get served booze!
–Library bar, Houston & Ave A
Overheard by: E.Vill. Genius
