Teen #1: Come on, let me rub it out!
Teen #2: No!
Teen #1: I’m telling you, it works. Let me rub on it!
Teen #2: Get away from me! Dad, tell John* to stay on his side of the train seat!
Teen #1: I’m just trying to rub the tension out of his muscle.
Dad: Okay, boys, stay in your own seats and keep your hands to yourselves. This week’s episode of post-fraternity homoerotic nostalgia is over.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Gay4God
Little grandson: Yo! He gonna go get some dicks!
Ghetto grandma: Where you learn to talk like? [To other passengers] I’m sorry. He needs his medication.
Little grandson: Dicks! Bitch! Coca-Cola!
–N train
Overheard by: CarrieBoo
Six-year-old boy #1: … And I was like, ‘Fucking lawyers!’
Six-year-old boy #2: Yeah!
–96th & CPW
Overheard by: after your alimony, are they?
Hipster girl: … And then there was this other weirdo I dated who kept talking about how we’re all just molecules. You know, little balls of energy?
Guy: Yeah… That’s exactly where we came from — balls of energy.
–116th & Broadway
Chick to friend about date: … And I liked him, but I don’t want to come on too strong. I need to be don-chalant.
–21st, near 6th Ave
Overheard by: Adam
Coworker on phone: Mom, it’s Ducci and Gabanna… Ducci — it’s called Ducci and Gabanna!
–Chinatown
Overheard by: Bailey
Laughing woman: I’ma come back to you — let you marinate for a while!
–Daffy’s, Atlantic Ave
Overheard by: MKB
Angry suit on cell: This isn’t the latch-ness monster we’re talking about here.
–48th & Park
Overheard by: Sabrina
Woman on cell: They said I ain’t speak English good!
–43rd & Lex
Overheard by: Mortuary Megan
Marketing chick on cell, about boss: He was so mean to me! I am not un-articulate!
–23rd St
Overheard by: Ruby
Girlfriend: I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately. I just keep falling asleep at the oddest times. I think I may be suffering from necrophilia.
Boyfriend: I sure hope you mean narcolepsy.
Girlfriend: Oh, yeah. I always get those confused.
Boyfriend: Well, as long as it’s only the definitions that you confuse and not the symptoms…
–Grand Central
Fat worker #1: This country is pretty fat, huh?
Fat worker #2: Yeah, man, we’re the fastest country in America.
–35th St, between 7th & 8th
LI girl: Tiffany, we need new expressions!
Tiffany: What?
LI girl: Like, new phrases to say in response to stuff.
Tiffany: Oh. Okay, we’ll make some up.
–Billy’s Bakery
Station announcer: There is a Brooklyn-bound D-as-in-Double-U train approaching Broadway-Lafayette…
–Broadway-Lafayette platform
Man on cell: A is for fuckin’ apple!
–23rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Zarek
Child punching smaller sibling: A! B! C! D! E! F! G!
–6th Ave, between 8th & 9th St
Lady conductor: This is the Q train. That’s Q, as in ‘quickie…’ Which y’all better not be havin’ on my train!
–Q train to 57th St
Receptionist on phone: Is that Z as in ‘zebra,’ or Z as in ‘xylophone’?
–Doctor’s office, Queens Blvd
Overheard by: Heavy D
Black chick to friend: Are you sure you want to invite them? They aren’t re-niggers, are they? You know, niggers that renege a lot?
–Dressing room, Roosevelt Field Mall
Overheard by: horrified in the next dressing room
Guy on cell: They fucked with me! I need to get into those classes, and now I won’t graduate ’til… Neveruary!
–9th & 2nd
Bimbette on cell: But you can’t lollygag! You can’t even textygag!
–Metro-North
Professor: Hmmm… Blackboard is down… That could be problematical.
–Baruch College
Overheard by: I Am McLoVey
Young mom to squirming toddler: Why is you beastin’?
–Lexington Ave
