Words

Little kid pointing to box truck: Store!
Dad: Yes, that’s right. That’s a store.

–6th St, between Ave A & Ave B

Overheard by: epsd101

Slutty girlfriend: You’re too thick for me to properly give you head, though.
Moron boyfriend: You callin’ me stupid?

–Fordham University

British art guy: You know what I love about Americans?
American art guy: What’s that?
British art guy: When I say the word ‘fag,’ they think I’m talking about smoking and not being homophobic. Even if I say, ‘I want to ass-fuck that fag,’ I can get away with it because I’m British.

–Soho

Douchebag college student to girl: The cop looked at my ID and said "Come on, Mr California!" and I was like: "Mr California? Come on! I’ve been here for like four months!"

–G Train

Overheard by: Guy who puts 4 months to shame

Jersey girl: I don’t do Arkansas.

–Tram to Roosevelt Island

Eight-year-old to uncle: Please don’t move to Connecticut… It’s too hard to spell!

–38th & 2nd Ave

Aging queen to record store clerk: Oivia Newton-John’s fine and all, but she’s like 55 and living in Connecticut, so she lost her edge.

–Rebel Rebel Records: Bleecker and Christopher st.

Suit on cell: Do they make you sterile? Can you have sex? When you’re on the pills, can you have sex? You should go to Utah. They have great sex in Utah. The Mormons are famous for it. I think we should have easter dinner at 4.30 at Fekkai’s.

–43rd St between Madison & 5th

Black man, pulling up his pants while being chased out of the library by two Hispanic security guards: I’m sick of dem Hispanics, man! I’m sick of ’em! I love California.

–New York Public Library, 42nd St branch

Overheard by: Jason

Drunk hobo, singing: Put a little money in the hat!
Six-year-old boy to mom: Don’t hats come with a bunny?
Mom: He asked for money, not a bunny. He’s a panhandler, not a magician.

–Canal St station

Overheard by: Thumper

Skanky punk girl: Aren’t you guys a little 5th avenue for this place?…
Girl in scarf, excitedly: Ooooh, we’re 5th avenue?

–MARZ Bar, 2nd Ave & 1st St.

Overheard by: Arthur

Angry man on street: Fuck ass the ball! Fuck ass the ball!
Bystander: Did he just say, “fuck ass the ball?”

–Bed-Stuy

A Feminist Critique Of Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: Was she a gymnast, or a feminist?

–Café, 113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Anthropology professor: Everyone's a misogynist. Women attend seminars, "seminar" comes from the word "semen," which comes from the Latin for "a unit of knowledge." And this, my friends, is how women get smart.

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: thats how I got into NYU

Rambling man: Nobody's gonna be in charge anymore! (pause) Except the ladies.

–Rivington & Forsyth

Meathead #1: I hate Union Square. There is too many of those…what do you call ’em, beatniks?
Meathead #2: You mean yuppies?
Meathead #1: Yeah, that’s it.

–53rd & Broadway

Guy #1, with thick Long Island accent: What is the plural for “coffee”?
Guy #2: Just put an “s” on it. “Coffees.” Same as with “sheep.” I think it is the same because of the two “e”s.

–40th St & 5th Ave