Girl on phone: Yeah, he couldn’t get it up, so we just watched Schindler’s List instead.


Girl: T9 is responsible for so many mishaps. Once I tried to text someone “thanks for helping me”. Instead I typed “thanks for humping me.” It was bad!

Tacoma, Washington

Girl: I’ll have the chocolate peanut butter car crunch.
Cashier teenage boy: Ummmm… Yeah, the “car” actually stands for “caramel”.

Gelato Spot
Scottsdale, Arizona

Overheard by: Fake Blonde

White, middle aged music professor: I don’t do sevenths. Homie don’t play that.

Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Claire

Irritated English professor: I think I'm just going to change all my paper assignments to “create an inscrutable utterance.”

Ursinus College

Guy: Egg salad is a dish best served cold.


Overheard by: alyssa

Smart girl: Obviously ‘irregardless’ is the wrong word in the sentence.
Dumb girl: Why is that word wrong?
Smart girl: For starters, it’s not even a real word.
Dumb girl: Sure it is — I use it all the time.

Erie Community College
Orchard Park, New York

Overheard by: Smarty Pants

One of three bros, ordering a cake: And could you make it say, “Sorry we stole your car”?


Overheard by: cake fixes all problems.

Old man: I recently had surgery. What was it I had removed? Something that starts with a ‘P’…
Old lady: Was it your pancreas?
Old man: No… It wasn’t my penis, either, because I definitely still have that.

L.L. Bean Outlet
Wareham, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Amanda

Student #1: So what do you think, eh?
Student #2: Are you Canadian?
Student #1: Why in the world are you asking me that? Is it because I said “eh”?
Student #2: Well, yeah.
Student #1: That is a total misconception! Not all Canadians end sentences with the word “eh”! I can't believe you think that!
Student #2: (thinking it over) So are you?
Student #1: Canadian? Yes.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Laughing as I pass