Hobo: Hey, any of you fellas got a match?
Drunk guy: Yeah I got a match, my ass and your face!
Hobo: I hear ya.
–3rd Avenue and 9th Street
Hobo: Hey, any of you fellas got a match?
Drunk guy: Yeah I got a match, my ass and your face!
Hobo: I hear ya.
–3rd Avenue and 9th Street
Guy: So, Indian food?
Girl: Do you think in India, they just call it food?
–2nd Avenue & 6th Street
Guy: Hey, lady, you need to slow the fuck down…your dog needs to take a fuckin’ dump…just look at his swollen-ass asshole!
–Times Square
Indian woman on cell: You are a terrible, terrible man. You are a horrible shit of piece.
–60th between Lexington & 3rd
Overheard by: Navyboy
Guy: If she was a dinosaur, she’d be an assaraptus.
–Astoria
Overheard by: shane matthews
Lady on cell: OK, so you know Alisha? She’s Poop’s best friend…yeah, Poop.
–77th & Lexington
Overheard by: marissa
Wife: I’m just saying say, “excuse me.” I ain’t asking you to hold it in or nothing; it’s a natural part of life. I mean, if you need to let it out, let it out. I’m just saying say, “excuse me.” Have some damn manners. We fart, we all fart, but just say, “excuse me.”
–Central Park
Overheard by: Alex Liebman
Guy: I will say this: butts are weird, and fickle. You can put that in your dissertation.
–111th between Broadway & Amsterdam
Overheard by: djlindee
Black girl #1: Do you know what RSVP stands for?
Black girl #2: Respond as soon as possible?
Black girl #1: No, stupid it’s r.s.v.p.. It stands for repond s’il vous plait, it’s French.
Black girl #2: Spell it!
Black girl #1: R-e-s-p-o-n-d c-i v-u p-l-a-y. Don’t you know anything.
–4 train
Woman: Hi.
Cashier lady: Huh?
Lady: Hi.
Cashier lady: Oh.
The cashier finishes checking the lady out.
Lady: Thanks.
Cashier lady: Huh?
Lady: Never mind.
–Fine Fare, Clinton Street
Overheard by: Heather
Tourist guy: We’re staying down on Two Avenue. Now do they say Two Avenue or Second Avenue here?
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Chess
Tourist woman: We’re in Manhattan, right?
–Times Square
Tourist girl: Can’t we like, just call a cab? You know, like, “Hi, we need a cab, pick us up here?”
–42nd between Broadway & 6th
Overheard by: Heather Hunter
Tourist guy: Do they just breed dogs smaller here, or what?
–Broadway & Astor
Overheard by: jillypickle
A Kosher Deli has a neon sign in the shape of a sky-line.
Guy: What’s with all the phalluses?
Girl: That’s Jeruselum. They’re church towers or something.
Guy: Oh…is “phalluses” the right way to make that plural?
–Broadway & 32nd
Tourist guy: Excuse me! Are you a New Yorker?
Woman: No!
–34th & 7th
Man: Do you want to go into any of these shops?
Woman: Um…
Man: Oh, that’s a yes. Whenever a woman responds with anything other than an emphatic “no”, it means yes.
–78th & Madison
Guy #1: Frank was sneezing so loud I could hear him all the way inside.
Girl: Well, that explains the frown on the back of your face.
Guy #2: Do you even have a back of your face?
–Chambers Street station
Overheard by: James Q Wilson
Two guys and a girl enter the hospital and ask for the restroom. A few minutes later as they’re leaving the building the security guard talks to them.
Security guard: That’ll be $20.
Guy: What?
Security guard: Ain’t nothing for free at the hospital…unless you have an insurance card. Have a good night folks!
–Mount Sinai hospital, 5th Avenue
Overheard by: Vanilla
World-famous doctor: Do you know what I love? Dyslexic Black people. For instance, the other day a Black guy stopped me in his car as I was walking and asked me, “How do I get to the FRD?”.
–Tisch hospital, 33rd Street
