Words

Gangsta #1: … And then these bitches…
Gangsta #2: Wo-men. Nigga, they’re women!

–26th & 8th

Stoner: How do you spell “helter skelter”?
Friend: …exactly like it sounds.
Stoner: H-e-l-k-e-t-o-r s-k-e-l-e-t-o-r?
Friend: (shakes head in dismay)

–N Train

Chick #1: I had the best date last night… It was so big.
Chick #2: You don’t even know, girl. It’s not the length, it’s the roun’th.

–L train

Overheard by: Heather

Guy: So, what do you want to do?
Drunk girl: I’m really good with numbers, so maybe something like that?
Guy: You mean, like, accounting?
Drunk girl: Yeah. I want to be a taxidermist.

–In front of Subway Inn, 60th & Lex

Guy: Naw, naw, I read that he died.
Girl: J.K. Rowling is a woman, and she’s not dead; she just wrote this book.
Guy: Naw…you sure? I really think I read that he died.
Girl: No! Anyway, she said that in the wizarding world, Muggles–
Guy: Muggles? Oh, is that one of those British words?
Girl: No, it’s just a word she made up.
Guy: Right, and we wouldn’t understand it here, because it’s one of them British words.

–M train

Overheard by: Kev

Girl: Did you hear about that new dog they’re breeding? It’s called
a pewgle.
Guy: What kinda dog is that?
Girl: Oh, it’s a pug and um…um…a bugle.

–Deli, 53rd & 6th

Overheard by: Janelle F

Hipster chick #1: You know the girl I was telling you about, who didn’t even know what “agnostic” means?
Hipster chick #2: Yeah. That stupid bitch!

–30th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: reverie

Headline by: Coyoty

Runners-Up:
· “Blessed Are the Stupid Bitches, for They Shall Infuriate the Self-Righteous” – Cyrious Garnetski
· “I Believe That We Can Never Know If She Is a Stupid Bitch or Not.” – Hysterical Woman
· “I Hope She Burns In… Nothingness” – Meg
· “To Be Precise, She Said There Was No Way to Know What Agnostic Means” – Barry P.
· “Why Nuns Have Few Friends” – seven5suited

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Thug: Yo, baby! You so sexy! You look just like Ugly Betty!

–26th & Lex

Overheard by: Myrtle

Wandering popcorn vendor : Popcorn! Get your sexy popcorn here!

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: Mets Fan

Ghetto mom to young sons: Where my sexy glasses at?!

–W 96th St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Megan W.

Teen thugette: You know who sexy? Mickey Mouse. That nigga sexy!

–Q11 bus, Queens

Jogger: I’m checking out my shadow to see how long my hair is in the back — it’s fuckin’ sexy!

–Central Park

Man: I love sexy cheese. I love sexy cheese!

–Outside Fordham University

Overheard by: …sexy cheese?

Girl on cell: You keep talking over me–it makes me want to punch you in the uterus.

–Ray's Pizza, 52 & 8th

Overheard by: Jarett

Guy to friend: You keep referring to me as "that guy" and we'll see how long you stay conscious.

–33rd & 7th

Nervous man seated against the wall: I don't like this seat. I don't like sitting here. I like to sit on the aisle. What if there's a fight? I don't want to be trapped in a place with a fight.

–Off-Broadway Theatre

Overheard by: Hannah

Ghetto chick: Can't you get somebody else to fuck him up? Why you gotta do it?

–W Train

Overheard by: sara n.

Man: He was trying to turn his alcoholism into a positive thing instead of attacking the guy who raped his sister.

–The Strand Bookstore

Overheard by: Slightly confused, yet intrigued…

Girl on cell: Remember that time you got into a fight with an inch worm?

–Chambers St

Overheard by: Shooty

Six-year-old kid to lost-looking mother: So, where's downtown?
Mom: Well, it's not uptown!

–42nd Street Subway Station

Overheard by: Excellent deduction, Watson.