Yuppie #1: Yesterday we had a strike at Dow Jones.
Yuppie #2: What was it about?
Yuppie #1: Oh, union stuff.
Yuppie #2: What did you do?
Yuppie #1: Well, we all just took a 15-minute lunch break at the same time. It was less a “strike” and more a “coordinated lunch break.”
— F train to Brooklyn
Yuppie #1: I admire the fact that your friends are so intelligent. Most people I speak to are single cell organisms, undergoing mitosis as I speak.
Yuppie #2: Then why do you speak to them?
Yuppie #1: They’re the only ones who call me
— Bond Street Starbucks
Yuppie #1: It’s just like in that movie, Good Will Hunting.
Yuppie #2: I never saw that.
Yuppie #1: What?! Dude, that movie’s like the voice of our generation!
Yuppie #2: Whatever.
–Northeast entrance to Madison Square Park
Contrubuted by: Scott Nybakken
Yuppie: If I could be anywhere in the world now, I would be in the West Bank.
— Cafe, Williamsburg
Yuppie: We shouldn’t be using our brains to simulate monkeys.
–Broadway & 72nd
Yuppie #1: Are you happy?
Yuppie #2: Psychologically speaking, there is something fundamentally wrong with my brain.
–Midtown Apartment
Yuppie: I don’t think he’s working now. All he ever talks about is monkeys and robots.
–Mayrose
Yuppie: He said, “I’m a beautiful man, I deserve to be with a beautiful woman.” Because he’s so in love with himself he’s so lazy in bed.
–Williamsburg
Yuppie: There is in fact a fundamental difference between Ray’s and Webster’s. One is a series of restaurants that sell pizza; another is a book that you can look up the definitions of words in.
–Party, The West Village
Yuppie in the west village: “The thing about pot is that it slows everything down.”
