A Gentile Yuppie: I once dated a Rabbi’s daughter, in the Hamptons. I went to a family barbeque, and he asked me, ‘Do you want cheese on your hamburger?’ and I thought, ‘Ah–this is a moment of truth–one of those key moments in a relationship, where the family will judge me–what should I say?’ and I said, ‘Yes, I would’–and then the Rabbi responded, ‘Great! Then Cheese for Everybody!'”
— Bar Tabac, Boerum Hill, Brooklyn
Yuppie #1: All you need to do is have sex with one girl at the start of the party, and then all the girls at the party will want to fuck you. It’s like invincibility!
Yuppie #2: That’s not invincibility! That’s much better.
–Outside Lorimer L train
Overheard by: Kevin
Yuppie guy: Chris, it’s not all about the money.
Group of yuppies: Hahaha!
–Wall St deli
Overheard by: melanie
Yuppie guy #1: So my boss accused me today of being on drugs.
Yuppie guy #2: Really? But you’ve been clean for months…
Yuppie guy #1: I know! But still, my boss told me I type like a Thalidomide child.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Kenneth Menzel
Hobo: Can I have a cigarette?
Girl: Sorry, I just bummed my last one to that guy.
Guy: Dude, you just said “bum” to a bum.
–Central Park
Yuppie #1: It's like giving head to a gummie bear. You know what I mean?
Yuppie #2: I know, I know…
–4th St & 6th Ave
Yuppie: So I said to him, “But I’m a team player” and then he looked at me and said, “Yeah, my dog’s a team player” and ever since then, I’ve been trying to think of a witty comeback but I haven’t.
— 6 Train
Yuppie #1: I really want a drink
Drunk Homeless man (to Yuppie #2): What are you reading?
Yuppie #2: I’m reading a book on sobriety.
Drunk Homeless man (looking over her shoulder): Oh
Yuppie #2: Yes, it’s also about drug additions..valium, etc.
Drunk Homeless man: Really that’s interesting
— Union Square Park
Young Yuppie: You’re such a third-generation American Jew.
— 6th Avenue, West Village
Yuppie: “Is Freddie Prinze Jr. Harry Connick Jr.’s son?”
— Streetcorner in Midtown
