Wasted yuppie dude: Officer, officer!
Cop: Yeah?
Wasted yuppie dude: That bouncer at Stan's?
Cop: Yeah?
Wasted yuppie dude: He's on fucking steroids!
Cop: So?
–159th St & River Ave, Bronx
Overheard by: Matt
Wasted yuppie dude: Officer, officer!
Cop: Yeah?
Wasted yuppie dude: That bouncer at Stan's?
Cop: Yeah?
Wasted yuppie dude: He's on fucking steroids!
Cop: So?
–159th St & River Ave, Bronx
Overheard by: Matt
An elevator equipped with a TV monitor shows a news segment of a man who just rescued a person swept away by floodwaters in California.
Yuppie Prick #1: Wow, that guy is fat. Can you imagine him saving anyone?
Yuppie Prick #2: Nope!
Fat Bystander: Not unless it was your miserable ass in the water, and he was savin’ you, jerkoff!
–Midtown elevator
Yuppie: People at South Africa talk so much less racist than in NY. Everyone tells many more racist jokes in New York than in South Africa.
–Sutton Place
Yuppie father: You will learn Italian.
Four-year-old daughter, yelling: Noooo! I wanna have fun!
Yuppie mother with French accent: But you had fun learning French! You will have fun learning Italian.
Four-year-old daughter: Nooooooooo!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: D-Law
Yuppie 20-something #1: So what'll we do if there's extra money?
Yuppie 20-something #2: We'll just spend it on getting drunk!
–Outside Chelsea Market, 16th & 9th
Teenage nerd: My boss and my dealer have the same name. One time I called my boss asking for weed, and he was like "hey!" and I was like "yo, lemme cop" and he was like "I think you have the wrong number" and I hung up.
–Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: joy
Yuppie 30-something in black coat and white scarf: I'm going crazy! I've got his dealer's number programmed into my phone, but I can't remember her name, so if I call, I won't know who to ask for. And you have to know who to ask for, or they'll think you're a cop!
–16th St & 7th Ave
Loud, mildly intoxicated girl at dinner: People who litter are so much worse than drug dealers.
–Brooklyn
Lady on cell: Tourism is the only industry that doesn't depend on drug cartels.
–14th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Diaz
Male yuppie #1: Let's open a bar with home-crafted beer–microbrews!
Male yuppie #2: That would be awesome, man! No one's ever done that before!
Male yuppie #1: I know!
–Blind Tiger, West Village
Overheard by: Are you sure?
20-something yuppie: As soon as I got my acceptances & rejections back, I realized what I should have realized before I even applied, of where I really wanted to go and what I really wanted to study.
— Park Slope
Yuppie: You’re such a third-generation American Jew.
— Upper West Side
Yuppie: “And I thought, why are you climbing down a hole if you’re wearing a $2,500 shirt?”
— Upper East Side
