Wednesday One-Liners Haven’t Met Most Of Their Friends

Yuppie: I don’t google enough.

–F Train, 7th Ave

Overheard by: imaginexrach

Girl on cell: Not being on Facebook is ruining my life!

–NYU Bus

Overheard by: Asian Kid

Assistant on phone, about her 17-year-old daughter’s MySpace page: I find it interesting that she and her friend Shannon have the same friend listed. Some 32-year-old guy in California named Tom!

–Office on 42nd & Madison

Overheard by: herspace

Man: I’m going to go home and e-mail some shameless bitches.

–8th St & Broadway

Grad student at computer, dolefully: Without right-click I just don’t know what to do with the world.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on March 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Computer, Facebook, Girls, Google, Internet, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Myspace, NYU, Office, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Students, The Village, Yuppies

Perhaps He Was Too Busy Looking for His Career?

Too-cool-for-school-yuppie #1: I can’t believe David Schwimmer didn’t say hello to us!
Too-cool-for-school-yuppie #2: Was it something we said?
Too-cool-for-school-yuppie #1: Maybe he didn’t see us.

–The Village

Overheard by: Surprise, surprise…

Posted on March 25, 2015
About Celebrities, Default, Gripes, The Village, TV, Yuppies

He Promised Me a Video Game, Duh

Yuppie mother: So, Dad said only if you’re really good and you don’t fight with your sister anymore, he’ll get you that new video game you wanted.
Kid: Dad’s a dick. Why’d you marry him, again?

–9th St & 6th Ave

Posted on March 23, 2015
Kids, Moms, Parents, Should've Used a Condom, Video Games, West Village, Yuppies

We’re Considering Branding Wednesday One-liners

Woman: This is my favorite part…of the worst song ever.

–MTV Studios, Times Square

Man on cell: No, it is not like the time I farted at Target and blamed in on that old woman!

–22nd & Park

Overheard by: Bill Ray

Drunken yuppie guy: I want my Subway sandwich! I want my Subway sandwich! Tuna and onions! Yeah, you heard me. Girls love big cocks. Girls love big cocks! These girls know. I’m on…I’m on Comedy Central! I’m a redneck on Comedy Central! My name is Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! I’m from Texas where girls suck cock for a dime!

–32nd & 2nd

Woman: Did you hear Cooter wouldn’t endorse that remake?

–7 train

Overheard by: Todd Horan

Guy: God, I feel like I’m trapped in a fucking Hallmark Card.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Shoshana

Latina: …and he looks evil and the Princess is saying to him, “You are a good person” and he looks so evil and then she is with Obi King Wasabi and he said he is on the dark side and then the shorty guy–what is his name?–Yoga said, “He is on the dark side” and then Dark Wader he is with the cape and looks all angry and evil reminded me of me on Mondays.

–58th & Lexington

Overheard by: Brandy Rowell

Posted on March 19, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Drunks, Etiquette, Farting & Burping, Junk Food & Fast Food, Language Barrier, Latinos, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, Stupidity, Times Square, Upper East Side, Yuppies

I Hope No Men Find Out How Foul Women Can Be

Female yuppie #1: … And it was smeared all over the walls of the stall!
Female yuppie #2: Oh my god, that is so disgusting.
Female yuppie #1: Yeah, I can’t believe someone would do that at work.
Female yuppie #2: I can’t believe someone would do that ever!

–South-bound G train

Overheard by: Kevin

Posted on March 18, 2015
Excretions, On the Subway, Yuppies

Who's the Smart One? Show Your Work.

Yuppie girl #1, looking at platform: Ohmigod! Is that like a mirror over there, or are there actually other people on that side?
Yuppie girl #2: I don't get it.

–Uptown 2 Train

Overheard by: Chris H

Posted on March 2, 2015
On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Yuppies

Careful, He Wants You to Drop Your Guard

A large bearded black man is holding a big white sign that reads: NINJAS KILLED MY FAMILY. I NEED $$ TO LEARN KUNG-FU AND GET REVENGE.

Drunk yuppie: Ha, ha. So dude, are you really going to become a ninja?! Ha, ha!
Black guy: Nah, man. This is just for humor. This ain’t for real.

–Broadway & 76th

Overheard by: M-Co

Posted on February 19, 2015
Black People, Drunks, Education, Fighting and ass kicking, Homeless, Panhandling, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Yuppies

My Third Arm Gives Me Character

Yuppie girl #1: So he said he couldn’t date me.
Yuppie girl #2: Why?
Yuppie girl #1: He said he likes to date normal girls.
Yuppie girl #2: What?!
Yuppie girl #1: Yeah, like who likes normal girls?

–Spring St & 6th Ave

Posted on February 18, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Dating, Default, Friends, Girls, Questions, Soho, Yuppies

I Also Turned my Father into a Horse

Yuppie in Yabby, in Williamsburg: “I didn’t mean to turn my sister into a lesbian! It just happened!”

Posted on February 9, 2015
Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Williamsburg, Yuppies

Do I Look Like a Congressman to You?

Wasted yuppie dude: Officer, officer!
Cop: Yeah?
Wasted yuppie dude: That bouncer at Stan's?
Cop: Yeah?
Wasted yuppie dude: He's on fucking steroids!
Cop: So?

–159th St & River Ave, Bronx

Overheard by: Matt

Posted on February 2, 2015
Cops, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Questions, The Bronx, Yuppies

Yuppies