Hoochie: I tried anal sex and it just hurt too much. Then I figured out that if you just douche your ass, it doesn’t hurt at all!
Wannabe hoochie: Really?!
–Bar, Staten Island
Overheard by: yohezzy
Hoochie: I tried anal sex and it just hurt too much. Then I figured out that if you just douche your ass, it doesn’t hurt at all!
Wannabe hoochie: Really?!
–Bar, Staten Island
Overheard by: yohezzy
Chick #1: I don’t know why it isn’t working!
Chick #2: Maybe you should get shit-faced.
Chick #3: Maybe you should try a push-up bra.
–23rd & 6th
Overheard by: Is there a 3rd solution?
Guy #1: Yeah, so the taxi driver took us through the most congested traffic. He did it on purpose!
Guy #2: That’s why you have to tell them where to go.
Guy #1: And be firm.
Guy #2: It’s like training a dog.
–3 train
Overheard by: rick
Hobo: Hey, kids, read a book, stay in school, and don’t do drugs!
Woman: Come on, kids, don’t talk to strange, crazy people. What did I tell you about that?! [To hobo, who looks insulted] It’s nothing personal — I just don’t want them to, like, get kidnapped or something, you know?
Hobo: Oh… Oh, um, yeah, I understand… [When woman’s out of earshot] Bitch.
–7th Ave & Garfield, Park Slope
Overheard by: Mike N
Dude #1: Phew, it’s warm down here.
Dude #2: Yeah, we should blow on each other.
–Crowded platform, 59th St
Overheard by: Lillian
Woman #1: My students are sooo homophobic.
Woman #2: You should make them drink their way to tolerance!
–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy #1: Why you spoiling a girl who ain’t putting out?
Guy #2: I’m bored.
Guy #1: Read a book, dumbass!
–A train
Overheard by: brian
10-year-old girl punches her suit father in the arm.
Suit: You have no power. [Girl punches him again.] No power. [Girl winds up and punches him hard.] There, see? That hurt more, ’cause you used your body. [Girl turns around and punches her older sister.]Sister: Ow, what the hell?!
Suit: See? I told you — use your body.
–LIRR, Jamaica
Thug: There are two kinds of girls: those who make you and those who break you. Girls who are all, ‘Gimme-gimme this and that’ are the ones who are breaking you down. Those that hold you up and support you are the ones that make you.
Non-thug friend: Yeah, those that are there for you when you need them — you gotta hold onto them!
Thug: The only thing I remember my father telling me is — and I haven’t talked to my father since I was a teenager — ‘Lie to women day and night. Lie to them all the time. You have to mentally fuck a chick before you can hit her with the schlong.’
–W 147th St
Overheard by: KTnyc
Hipster chick to friend: I’m hungry. What should I get?
Hobo: Barrels!
–Grand Central
