Crazy hobo passing out flyers: The animals eat the vegetables, and we are the minerals…
Girl, rejecting flyer: No, thanks. I’ve got one already.
Crazy hobo: You’re a communist transvestite on Mars!

Isla Vista, California

Hobo: Wow, you look just like Billy Idol!
Blonde: Um, thanks.
Hobo: No, really. You look good, girl. Wanna share some of my wine?
Blonde: Um, no thanks. I’m good.

San Diego, California

Pushy rug salesman: Look at these beautiful rugs! How great would they look in your home?
Woman: Yeah, you know, I don’t really need a rug…
Pushy rug salesman: Well, nobody needs a rug!
Woman, angrily: Well, then why are you selling them, sir?!

671 South La Brea Avenue
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: I don’t really need a rug, either

Professor: Okay, this appears to be advertising for a brand of malt liquor. Who here drinks malt liquor?
Only black guy in class: Me!
Professor, laughing: Okay, Martin drinks malt liquor.
Black guy: Brothers drink malt liquor!
Professor, laughing: That’s right, brothers drink malt liquor!

Anthropology class, UCLA
Los Angeles, California

Lady to hubby: So, I’ve finally decided: for my interviews I’m not gonna get a new purse. I’m just gonna get a really nice fanny pack.

Pacifica, California

Nurse on phone: Are you sexually active? … Okay, that’s usually a ‘yes’ or a ‘no.’

Tang Center Urgent Care
Berkeley, California

Drunken bimbette: First of all, Francesca feels really bad about taking my dad’s money when he was in a coma…

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: another margarita, please!

Jewish girl: I think I like Josh. What do you think of him?
Jewish guy: I don’t like him. He’s annoying. And he’s a Jew.
Jewish girl: What do you mean ‘And he’s a Jew’? You’re a Jew!
Jewish guy: No.
Jewish girl: Yes…
Jewish guy: No, I quit.

Santa Cruz, California

Chick on cell: You don’t need handcuffs for that. Just use duct tape. Duct tape works for everything. Even butt cheeks!

Hawthorne, California

Overheard by: smooph

Loud outburst from quiet conversation: What kind of pan do you have that you can cook a head in it?!

8000 Foothills Boulevard
Roseville, California

Overheard by: Drew