Drunk 40-ish lady: You wanna slide down my chimney tonight?
Hipster in Santa suit: … No.
Drunk 40-ish lady: Kiss me.
Hipster in Santa suit: No… Ma’am.
–Bowery Ballroom
Drunk 40-ish lady: You wanna slide down my chimney tonight?
Hipster in Santa suit: … No.
Drunk 40-ish lady: Kiss me.
Hipster in Santa suit: No… Ma’am.
–Bowery Ballroom
Drunk girl: I don’t know. I think I need new nipples.
Bartender: Well, maybe you should show me. I’m a nipple connoisseur.
–Caroline’s, Broadway
Overheard by: not kidding
Girl: What’s the deal with New York’s bagels, anyway? I mean, they’re delicious! What do you think New Yorkers do differently to their bagels that makes them so… Oh, look at you! You’re too drunk to keep up with me because I’m speaking so rapidly.
Drunk guy: I’m listening to your rabbits!
–NYU
Overheard by: Evan Regas
Drunk girl: It’s like we’re the same person!
Suit: Except you’re four inches shorter, thirty pounds heavier, and a dumbass!
–Times Square
Drunk girl yelling at her friend: The only thing I asked you to do was not to put any money in his boxers! [Sees staring passerby.] What?! You want to see a fight?!
Passerby: Yep.
–4th & 2nd
Overheard by: Tabitha Junkers
Drunk black Brit musician: What the fuck? This is crazy! I can’t believe I ran into you. Manhattan is fuckin’ huge!
Girl: Yes…
Drunk black Brit musician: This city has what, thousands of people? There must be thousands, yeah… Maybe even millions — it’s almost like London… See my guitar case? I don’t have a guitar. The case has a ham in it. Millions of fucking people!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Carmel
Very drunk girl: I just want to punch you in the fucking face right now.
Sober friend: Oh, no! Don’t do that!
Very drunk girl: Okay, I’ll just kiss you ever so gently on the face instead.
–43rd & 9th
Overheard by: Panoli
Drunk queer #1: I can’t stand the fucking bitch! I shouldn’t have to sneak you up there! Oooh, we could try it between those buildings!
Drunk queer #2: That’ll show her!
–16th & 6th
Overheard by: Hoping they don’t decide to show me….
Drunk girl: We’re totally those 20-something assholes that are drunk on a Tuesday night.
Drunk friend: It’s Wednesday, you dumbass!
Sober friend: Um, it’s Thursday!
–14th & 5th, Park Slope
Drunk student, after stumbling down the aisle: Where’s the bathroom? Where’s the bathroom?!
Guy in next row to girl beside him: I don’t think we’re the only ones who came to the play drunk.
–Collins Theater, Fordham University
Overheard by: Sromeo
