Lush guy: I didn’t even recognize his sister. She looked a little different.
Lush chick: Because you were sober?
Lush guy: Yeah, that’s it!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Lush guy: I didn’t even recognize his sister. She looked a little different.
Lush chick: Because you were sober?
Lush guy: Yeah, that’s it!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Drunk girl: That is the largest book bag I have ever seen.
Gutter hippie: This isn’t a book bag. This is my house.
–St. Mark’s & 1st Ave
Overheard by: wished i was that drunk
Drunk woman in long fur coat: Oh, you have to be fucking kidding me! I gotta pee!
Tourist: Yeah, we’ve been waiting for a while. [Nods in direction of unattended mop soaking in bucket, and laughs] I mean, you could always use that thing, I guess.
Drunk woman: Okay, alright — just tell me if anyone is coming! [Hikes up coat and begins to pee in bucket.]Tourist: Jesus Christ! I’ve been here one day, and I’m responsible for encouraging public urination.
–Line for restroom, McDonald’s, Times Square
Overheard by: wish i’d thought of that
Hot drunk chick #1: Oh my god, your boob just made out with my boob!
Hot drunk chick #2: We’re boob brothers!
–F train
Overheard by: rach
Drunk 40-ish lady: You wanna slide down my chimney tonight?
Hipster in Santa suit: … No.
Drunk 40-ish lady: Kiss me.
Hipster in Santa suit: No… Ma’am.
–Bowery Ballroom
Drunk girl: I don’t know. I think I need new nipples.
Bartender: Well, maybe you should show me. I’m a nipple connoisseur.
–Caroline’s, Broadway
Overheard by: not kidding
Girl: What’s the deal with New York’s bagels, anyway? I mean, they’re delicious! What do you think New Yorkers do differently to their bagels that makes them so… Oh, look at you! You’re too drunk to keep up with me because I’m speaking so rapidly.
Drunk guy: I’m listening to your rabbits!
–NYU
Overheard by: Evan Regas
Drunk girl: It’s like we’re the same person!
Suit: Except you’re four inches shorter, thirty pounds heavier, and a dumbass!
–Times Square
Drunk girl yelling at her friend: The only thing I asked you to do was not to put any money in his boxers! [Sees staring passerby.] What?! You want to see a fight?!
Passerby: Yep.
–4th & 2nd
Overheard by: Tabitha Junkers
Drunk black Brit musician: What the fuck? This is crazy! I can’t believe I ran into you. Manhattan is fuckin’ huge!
Girl: Yes…
Drunk black Brit musician: This city has what, thousands of people? There must be thousands, yeah… Maybe even millions — it’s almost like London… See my guitar case? I don’t have a guitar. The case has a ham in it. Millions of fucking people!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Carmel
