Employee: The manager made us open the doors, but we don’t have shit. Nothing is ready. [A bunch of employees are frantically putting buns on trays and trays into machines.]Drunk guy, leaning on counter: I want some McGriddles! [Slips and falls.]Employee: Look at you — you can’t even keep your shit from falling over! … If you sue us, I’m going to say you was drunk.
Drunk guy, thoughtfully: You’re right… I’m going to sue you for eight McGriddles!
–McDonald’s, Fulton & Cliff St
Drunk guy #1: That’s not even right, man. That girl is too hot to be standing next to that fugly woman.
Drunk guy #2: Excuse me, ma’am, could you move a few steps to the left? You’re upsetting my friend.
–7 train
Overheard by: David Moss
Drunk guy: Do you dare me to lick this pole?
Girl: I don’t have my camera on me, so not right now. Maybe some other time.
–Queens-bound F train
15-year-old drunk girl: I wanna fuck someone. Let’s find a Mexican for me.
15-year-old drunk guy: Dude, you’re gonna get me killed!
15-year-old drunk girl: I can’t see straight. Where are we?
15-year-old drunk guy: I don’t know.
–G train
Overheard by: Andrew
20-ish white girl to friends: Guys, sometimes I just feel like the only white girl in the city…
–Fulton St
Overheard by: other white girls
Hobo peering in from sidewalk: Ain’t nothin’ but white people all up in this motherfucker! This shit is racist, yo!
–Garden of Eden, 107th & Broadway
Overheard by: Bubby
Black girl on cell: He fucked a white girl? He fucked a white girl?! How stupid is he? You know if you fuck a white girl you gotta get her consent and then sign a contract!
–PATH platform
Angry black traveler on cell: Do you know how long it takes me to get to JFK from my place?! I’m surrounded by crackers! I. Do. Not. Want. To. Be. Here. Crackers all starin’ at me… I dunno what they’re lookin’ at.
–JFK
Overheard by: Not A Cracker But Staring Anyway
Old white guy at Cirque du Soleil show, to daughter: Is this primarily a white thing? I guess that’s why I don’t like this show. I’ve got too much soul for this.
–Madison Square Garden
Drunk black lesbian: I am not racist in any way. I believe that it’s something that’s taught and passed down from your parents. I am not a racist… but what’s up with white people?!
–D train
Drunk, to queer: Fag!
Queer: … Dad?
–14th & 8th
Overheard by: Ray
Lush guy: I didn’t even recognize his sister. She looked a little different.
Lush chick: Because you were sober?
Lush guy: Yeah, that’s it!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Drunk girl: That is the largest book bag I have ever seen.
Gutter hippie: This isn’t a book bag. This is my house.
–St. Mark’s & 1st Ave
Overheard by: wished i was that drunk
Drunk woman in long fur coat: Oh, you have to be fucking kidding me! I gotta pee!
Tourist: Yeah, we’ve been waiting for a while. [Nods in direction of unattended mop soaking in bucket, and laughs] I mean, you could always use that thing, I guess.
Drunk woman: Okay, alright — just tell me if anyone is coming! [Hikes up coat and begins to pee in bucket.]Tourist: Jesus Christ! I’ve been here one day, and I’m responsible for encouraging public urination.
–Line for restroom, McDonald’s, Times Square
Overheard by: wish i’d thought of that
Hot drunk chick #1: Oh my god, your boob just made out with my boob!
Hot drunk chick #2: We’re boob brothers!
–F train
Overheard by: rach
