Hot Wednesday-on-Wednesday One-Liners

Random guy, singing loudly: Leeeesbian seagull!

–South Street Sea Port

Overheard by: Ger-Man in New York

Thug: Shit! I have to get my teacher a present. Its so hard. She’s like butch… You know what I’m saying? Shes got short hair and don’t wear earrings -like that chick [points to a woman who can obviously hear the conversation and looks affronted.] Yeah lady, you like the pussy!

–F Train

Drunk girl: You wanna know why I’m a lesbian? When I was crawling out of my mothers vagina I tasted that shit. And that shit was good. I just had to keep going back for more.

–Odessa’s, Ave A

Overheard by: Dannia Alfonso

Hardcore lesbian tourist #1 to hardcore lesbian tourist #2: Hey! Beaver Street! Let’s eat down there.

–Beaver St , Hanover Square

Overheard by: WallStGuy

Black teen punk girl, arguing with boyfriend: No, I’m gonna go become a lesbian now. Big. Huge. Les. Bo.

–V Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Buff guy: But now they’ll know I’m a lesbian.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on April 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Black People, Drunks, Family Ties, Fears, Gays and Lesbians, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Lesbians, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Punks, Questions, Singing, Teens, The Village, Threats, Thugs, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Catch It in the End

Drunk girl: I don’t like god, he always tries to put it in my butt.

–D train

20-something man to friend: P.S. It was in the ass that I fucked her.

–3rd Ave

Overheard by: AdHoculi

Girl on cell: I mean, I don’t know if it’s because I like never do this or if it’s because it’s sooo big… But my ass is like really sore now! I mean, I can’t even sit down.

–UWS

Teenage girl on cell: You sound surprisingly perky for someone who just got butt raped.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: westchester girl

Young lady:… And then he jammed it in my shitbox.

–Livingston and Boerum, Brooklyn Heights

B&T suit on cell: You just have to level with her, dude. Just tell her that if she wants to land a husband in this day and age, she has to learn to like it in the butt.

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: David

Posted on April 9, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, B & T, Backdoor, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Default, Drunks, Friends, Girls, God, Grand Central, Madison Square Garden, Marriage, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Rape, Suits, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

All We Need Is a Wednesday One-Liner in the White House

Middle-aged black woman: William Shatner should run for president or governor or mayor or something… He’s got the charisma.

–Staten Island Ferry snack bar

Overheard by: Stephanie

Hobo spinning in circles: ‘Bout time we got some poontang in the White House! There’s a first time for everything!

–117th & Broadway

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Thug, watching Elliot Spitzer and Chuck Schumer drive by: Who da fuck these niggas?

–Super Bowl Parade

Overheard by: No idea

Scholar: I’m voting for Osama Barack.

–F train

Overheard by: Terrorized

Conductor: Grand Central Station. Two and Three trains across the platform. Change here for the Seven, A, C, E, and shuttle to Times Square. Vote Obama.

–1 train, Grand Central

Drunk guido during post-Super Bowl rioting: I mean, who cares who the next president is after this?

–52nd & 2nd

Overheard by: NCS

Posted on March 26, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, Black People, Default, Drunks, Gender issues, Government, Grand Central, Guidos, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Parades & Festitivites, Politics, President, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Staten Island Ferry, Street, Students, Stupidity, Subway conductors, Thugs, Train Station, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

That Esteban, Always Getting into Mama’s Vodka Popsicles

Very young child: Yo estoy borracha. Yo estoy borracha. Yo estoy borracha…

–35th St & 36th Ave, Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Michelle M.

Posted on March 25, 2008
Astoria, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Kids, Street, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners You Just Wanna Pat on the Head

Drunk girl: I think he uses his cancer to be cute.

–Bourgeois Pig, MacDougal St

Freak show barker: I hate cute ventriloquism.

–Outside Coney Island Freak Show

Overheard by: Miss Carrie

Girl, about three-year-old nearby: He’s so cute, I want to kidnap him!

–PATH train

Woman: … And then he pulled out a gun and threatened to kill me. It was so cute.

–Ruby Foo’s, 49th & 8th

Overheard by: Heather

Man to toddler girl: That’s what politicians do. They try to look cute.

–Smith & Union, Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Posted on March 12, 2008
Artists, Brooklyn, Cancer, Coney Island, Crime and Punishment, Default, Drunks, Girls, Gripes, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Politics, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoot, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Violence, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Were “Working Late”

Drunk woman: I won’t sleep with people when I’m drunk. I’m not like that. I get drunk and I punch people in the face… I’m totally against infidelity. I can’t deal with that. I mean, I’ve been caught cheating lots of times, and it totally sucks.

–44th & 8th

Overheard by: Caitlin

Guy: So, he’s pissed off because he’s dating this fucking hot stripper — she’s, like, West of freaky — and he can’t tell anybody because they’re all friends with his fiancé and would tell her.

–Brooklyn-bound D train, Atlantic Ave stop

Overheard by: just visiting

Girl on cell: Sorry, I’m on my way to the airport. It was either go to Michigan or cheat on my boyfriend… No, I’m going to Michigan.

–125th & Broadway

Overheard by: Cat Darcy

German girl, after breaking kiss with another chick: Don’t worry about my husband too much…

–Frost St, Greenpoint

Overheard by: jayloo

Black man on cell: … So I put my hand between her legs… Nah, she wasn’t wearing any panties… She’s mad cool, but she’s married…

–Q46 bus

Overheard by: Izabela

Ghetto mama: … And I said to her, ‘No, I did not fuck yo’ husband. But I did let him eat my pussy!’

–Nostrand Ave

Overheard by: Kris S.

Posted on March 12, 2008
Advice, Black People, Brooklyn, Dating, Default, Drunks, Eating Out, Foreigners, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Infidelity, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Punch, Strippers, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Dude, She’s from Jersey — Don’t Fuck with Her

Drunk NYU kid #1: Hey, sweet dog.
Janeane Garofalo: Oh, thank you.
Drunk NYU kid #2: Bro, that was Janeane Garofalo.
Drunk NYU kid #1: Really? Hey, are you Janeane Garofalo?
Janeane Garofalo: Yes.

–8th & University

Overheard by: persiangroove

Posted on March 7, 2008
A-List, About Celebrities, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Movies, Students

Is It Hot in Here, or Is It You, Wednesday One-Liners?

Man to scantily clad girl passerby: Yo, can I get your number? Can I text message you? Can I e-mail you? Somethin’? [As she walks away] Can I be your socks?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Nicole

70-year-old man to 20-something jogger: Good morning. Would you like to wrestle in the grass over there?

–Riverside Park

Drunken Don Juan: Hey… Miss… Miss… Ah… Is your husband… Is your husband married?

–Prospect Pl & Classon, Brooklyn

Overheard by: sweet tea

Drunk guy to girl: You have nice toes. I want to put them in my mouth.

–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave

Creepy guy to hot blonde, after trying to pick her up: I’m not trying to hit on you. I just want to be your friend on Facebook.

–78th & Columbus

Posted on February 27, 2008
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Creepsters, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Facebook, Guys, Old People, Parks, Pick-up Lines, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners Will Bring the Keg

Black tween girl: So, Jared was like, ‘What? You want a pizza party?’ and I said, ‘No, I want a party that I can pop, lock, and drop in.’ And then she goes, ‘Girl, I can pop and lock, but if I drop, I’ll drop.

–59th & Lex N/R/W stop

Overheard by: koala

Drunk guy on cell: What? Yeah, it’s always a great party… Hmmm… Let me think of who I have to sleep with to get you an invite…

–34th & 3rd

20-ish chick: I was telling the girls about how his cock unfurls like one of those party blowers, and then they happened to have those blowers at the New Year’s Eve party we went to, so I tormented them with one all night.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Late-30s guy: I’m the kind of guy who goes to parties and brags about my perky corneas.

–House party, S 8th St, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Guy on cell: Well, the funeral was Tuesday… Yeah, the party was that night.

–10th & 2nd

Overheard by: Suzz

Barbie type to tourist pals: It sucks — you guys are like two weeks late to party with Heath Ledger.

–2nd Ave, between E 6th & E 7th St

Overheard by: Ben

Posted on February 27, 2008
About Celebrities, Black People, Body Parts, Celebrations/Parties, Columbia (& Barnard), Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Death, Default, Drunks, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Penis, Sex & Relationships, The Village, Tweens, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Actually, Meg Ryan’s Just Had Too Much Eye Work Done

Woman: Whoopsie!
Male friend #1, drunk: Whoooopsie!
Male friend #2: So, this train goes to Atlantic Avenue, right?
Woman: Right.
Male friend #2, pulling out mini map: So, we’re here… and Atlantic Avenue is…
Woman, lowering voice: You’re standing too close to that girl.
Male friend #1, drunk: What? No I’m not.
Woman: Yes, you are. You’re right in her face.
Drunk man: Oh, she doesn’t care. She’s Korean.

–Q train

Overheard by: the 6′ tall white girl he was standing WAY too close to

Posted on February 26, 2008
Default, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Gripes, Guys, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Race, Women

Drunks