Middle school boy screaming to his father: Just because I like sausages–
Mom, interrupting: –Shhh…
–Brooklyn
Middle school boy screaming to his father: Just because I like sausages–
Mom, interrupting: –Shhh…
–Brooklyn
Fashion suit: Please, help yourself to some breakfast.
Fashion editor-type: No, thanks, I’m not really a food-person.
–Fashion event, Midtown
Afro: Shit, nigga, you never heard of Serendipity’s?
Cornrows: Nah.
Afro: It’s a motherfucking ice cream parlor.
Cornrows: Like what? Häagen-Dazs?
Afro: Nah, they charge you up the ass and you’re surrounded by white people.
Cornrows: Like Häagen-Dazs?
Afro: Nah, it’s classy. Fool, don’t you know anything about class?
Cornrows: So it’s like Häagen-Dazs.
Afro: Damn, you ignorant.
–84th & Amsterdam
Crazy lady: You know what, Eric? All of our friends? Fuck them. She wants to commit suicide, she wants the universe to explode — it’s fucked up. That’s why me and Baby are going to go get something to eat. You should come.
Crazy man #1, Eric: No, I can’t come. I don’t really feel like being outside. Last time all I wanted when I went outside was some milk and oranges, and I couldn’t find them anywhere.
Crazy man #2, Baby: Oh, then don’t worry. When we come back, we’ll find you oranges and milk on the way and bring them to you.
Crazy lady: Mama’s gonna bring you back a good orange. A Sunkist orange. You know what else Mama’s gonna do? Bring you some good milk. Milk and oranges for my Eric.
–Staten Island Ferry
Hipster, looking at menu: Chicken fingers?
Corporate fashionista: Great! Even though I’m a vegetarian.
Hipster: Then why did you say ‘great’?
Corporate fashionista: I’ll eat some.
Hipster: … Then how are you a vegetarian?
Corporate fashionista: I just try not to eat anything with a face.
–Sidewalk Cafe, 6th & Ave A
Waiter: How is everything? Is the food okay?
Guy, staring at him: It’s absolutely gorgeous.
–Ethiopian restaurant, Houston St
Crunchy-haired woman: She used to make peanut butter and jelly with cheese… PB and J with American cheese.
Tattoo guy: Ew, that is so messed up.
Crunchy-haired woman: Yeah, but anyways, I really got into it with this lady at my support group today. She said somethin’ I didn’t like.
Tattoo guy: What happened this time?
Crunchy-haired woman: It was about the cherry issue… She was gettin’ on my case because I ate some fuckin’ cherries. I’m like, ‘What the fuck? What’s the big deal? I have a thing for cherries and so what that I can’t have just one, I have to have a whole bag?’ Fuck, I ate a fucking bag of cherries, big deal. So she was getting on me, saying I was one of those people who doesn’t try to get better…
–Brooklyn
Dude to another: … And he said he found a recipe for turning human beings into mutton.
–Coney Island
Overheard by: Psychlone
Kid: Boogers taste like paste!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: paste eater
Chick: So I didn’t know what it was… And then I put it in my mouth…
–Benny’s Burritos
Man: I’ve never eaten a fetus that big…
–8th Ave, near 14th St
Professor: I mean, I was looking into Christianity, but then I was driven to cannibalism…
–Eugene Lang College
Jock: Man, the things I would eat out of her ass…!
–Union Square
Guy: I love you like I love sliced chicken…
Girl: Huh?
Guy: … And I love sliced chicken.
–Mo Pitkin’s
Jewish kid: Are these hot dogs AIDS-free?
Hispanic vendor, defensive: No, ese, no!
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Lynne
