Food

Shalom, Wednesday One-liners

Crazy Hasid: Who are the three greatest Jewish lawyers of all time? Roy Cohen, Roy Cohen, Roy Cohen, Johnny Cochran, Alan Dershowitz. Who are the three greatest doctors of all time? Dr. Dolittle, Dr. Dolittle, Dr. Dolittle, Alan Dershowitz.

–F train

Overheard by: bluesdog

Jewess on cell: You know, I love Great Neck, but I don’t know. I have to consider it. I’m not super Jewish and he’s not super Jewish. And you know how Jews are. They can be nice to non-Jews, but they can be caustic to other Jews.

–Union Square

Lady: I just don’t get smoking, or people who smoke…smoking and bacon; I don’t get it.

–UWS elevator

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Posted on March 13, 2025
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Crazies, Food, Health and Hygiene, JAPs, Jews, Judaism, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Classy Wednesday One-liners

Dowager: I’ll take a Swiss cock, please. That looks good.

–Bakery, 58th & 7th

Man on cell: That stuff was too expensive. Why don’t I just buy one of those cheap necklaces on the street and you can put in a blue boz and say it was from Tiffany’s.

–57th & 5th

Overheard by: Angie

Preppy: Hey Dave, put another beer in this cooze!

–Blind Tiger Ale House, Hudson Street

Posted on February 19, 2025
Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Money & Class, On Cell, Penis, People, Places, Preppies, Private Parts, Shopping, The Village

That Must Sting Their Holes

Guy #1: What are you drinking?
Guy #2: Dos Equis. With a lime.
Guy #1: All Mexican beers come with limes.
Guy #2: Dude, all Mexicans come with limes.

–Croxley Ales, Avenue B

Posted on February 2, 2025
Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Friends, Race, Union Square and East Village

Soft Pretzels, Hard Questions

Woman: Can I get 2 pretzels to go?
Cart guy: To go? As opposed to what, eat in?

–Food cart, 52nd & 5th

Overheard by: Evan

Posted on January 30, 2025
Comedians, Food, Idiots, Philosophy, Street, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Women

NYers: Should People Eat Children?

Woman: Don’t let your personal freedoms infringe on other people’s rights!
Girl: Who is she talking to?…Holy shit, I love crazy people.

–40th & Broadway

Yuppie chick #1: Pork, it’s the other other white meat.
Yuppie chick #2: No you idiot, that’s baby. Pork is just the other white meat.

–Bryant Park

Posted on January 9, 2025
Crazies, Food, Union Square and East Village, Yuppies

“If I was you, I’d give me a dollar.”

Hobo: Please man, can I have 25 cents? It’s to eat, ya know…
Man: Here you go. But if I was you, I’d eat something else.

–Hylan Boulevard, Staten Island

Overheard by: Helniev

Posted on December 18, 2024
Assholes, Food, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, People, Places, Staten Island, Topics

I Don’t Speak American Brands

British chick: This hot chocolate is amazing.
New Zealand chick: I love those Swiss Maid things.

–27th Street office

Posted on December 8, 2024
Food, Foreigners, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

The News Said E was the new H

Counter Guy: K…K…K!…Okay, turkey and brie!
Customer #1: That’s not K, that’s H.
Customer #2: H is the new K.

–Liberty Deli, W. 56th St.

Overheard by: Steve

Posted on November 12, 2024
Customers, Food, Restaurants & Cafes, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness

Lunchtime! Wednesday One-liners

Guy on cell: My life is a falafel. No, no, wait, it’s a pita. My life is a pita.

–Broadway & Astor Place

Teen boy: When I get home, I’m gonna get me one of them nutrient shake shits.

–M23 bus

Overheard by: Jon Graboff

Woman: I didn’t like the emu there. I’m not going to like it here.

–Eight Mile Creek, Mulberry Street

Overheard by: james uphoff

Posted on October 25, 2024
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Bus, Food, Guys, Lower Manhattan, Manhattan, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Street, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Women

Translation: I Crave Cock

Husband: Sex with you is great, but it’s no substitute for pepperoni!

–Stop & Shop supermarket, Ridgewood

Overheard by: Dawn

Posted on October 17, 2024
Creepsters, Food, Grocery Stores, One-liners, Sex