Professor: All the buildings in Florence are five stories high, because they were built before elevators, and that's how many stories you can walk up with groceries before you die.

–Fordham University

20-something tourist girl to family, about subway: It's like an elevator, but opposite.

–N Train

Bimbette: I, like, ran into them in the elevator and they, like, literally gang-banged me.


20-something woman: Do you think he ever found out I didn't fall down an elevator shaft?

–F Train

Drunk girl: I just love a cock in my mouth! It is a fact of my life, like Blair and Tootie. I want to be carnivorous. I will eat fish if it's the only thing on the menu, but I really just want some meat! I'm not fishiverous!

–Party, Ditmars Boulevard, Astoria

Overheard by: likes steak AND seafood

Girl to friend: Surely if she was ever in possession of a penis, then on merit she would inherit the family lobster farm?

–28th & 7th

Ginger: Garibaldi… That is so weird. That is the name of the California state fish. I wonder if the statue is named after the fish.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: camillo cavour

Man to wife: That's too much calamari, even for a homeless guy.

–East Village

Hipster chick: So you’re saying don’t hate avocados?
Hipster guy: No, no. I don’t hate the avocados just for being avocados. I would never smash an avocado. I just want them to make up their minds. They need to decide.
Hipster chick: Good to know.

–San Loco, 2nd Ave

Nosy customer: So what are you from, Germany?
Guy with accent: No, Austria.
Nosy customer: Ha, close enough.
Guy with accent: Err, no, not really.


Overheard by: Chris

Annoyed wife: Why is there toast in my purse?
Clueless husband: It's not toast, it's a cracker.

–FAO Schwartz

Girl on cell: Dude, drunk chocolate is the best!
Random man passing by: Yes, it is.

–Union Square

Punk guy: I got lost trying to find tomato pie.

–Knitting Factory, Leonard Street

Overheard by: Holly Kaye

Whole Foods employee #1: Yo man, do you know if we have any Kanye pepper?
Whole Foods employee #2: Nah, I think we’re out.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: Darling Pinky

Man #1: You know that saying about how if you teach a man to fish, he can fish?
Man #2: Yeah.

–Grand Central Station

Angsty chick: I’m so tired of fucking… chicken broccoli bake.
Chill gal pal: Fucking? Sex on the mind?
Angsty chick: I’m not going to change my vocabulary just because I had an experience!

–6 train

Overheard by: i hope you read this