Queer on cell: Wear tights…No, you don’t pad it! You just push it up so it looks like a big baked potato, like what dancers do. Just hike it up to the sky!…The bits and the pieces. It’s not very comfortable, but it gives a good visual effect of…mass…What? Pointy? Ew, no! Pointy’s bad! Yich, pointy is such a turnoff.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Michele
Girl: I never understand why people run on treadmills. It’s like they’re gerbils or something.
Guy: Yeah. They should be forced to eat all their food in pellet form.
–67th & 1st
Overheard by: BSinnott
Food cart man: Would like some chicken, miss?
Random crazy lady: Yes, I’ll have some Gatorade.
–53rd & 6th
Overheard by: Kathy I.
Guy: Original flavored yogurt tastes terrible.
Girl #1: You should have seen the faces he was making.
Girl #2: Why? Does it taste like semen?
Guy: I wouldn’t know, would you?
Girl #2: I don’t know; I’ve never tasted plain yogurt before!
–Chelsea Market, 9th Avenue
A crazy man takes out a whole frozen fish from his bag and bangs it on the side of the bus repeatedly.
Crazy man #2: You should pretend that’s the mayor.
–M23 bus
Overheard by: Erika Strum
Guy: Excuse me, do you have any poppy seed bagels?
Bakery lady: What the hell is a popsicle bagel?
–C-town, 135th & Broadway
Waiter: If the Health Department showed up now we’d be out of business tomorrow.
–Barrymore’s, W. 45th Street
Pre-JAP: Oh, and? At the party, we’re making schmores.
Jewish mom: S’mores.
Pre-JAP: That’s what I said. Schmores.
–Loews, 42nd Street
Overheard by: Heather Hunter
Woman: Oh, I wanted a large popcorn. I thought you said this size was the biggest?
Movie guy: It is.
Woman: What about the bucket over there? It looks bigger.
Movie guy: It is.
Woman: Well, if this is the large, what’s the bucket?
–City Cinemas, E. 86th Street
Overheard by: JDH
Woman: I’d like to order a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich.
Cashier lady: I’m sorry, ma’am, we’re kosher.
Woman: Oh OK, then make it a sausage, egg, and cheese.
–Nathan’s, LaGuardia
