Black guy #1: I just realized this is a long-ass ride! It’s like 15 minutes!
Black guy #2: Shut up, nigga.
Black guy #1: Is that your breath I smell? It smells like you ate roast beef with a side of shit… and grits.
–1 train
Overheard by: DC
Black guy #1: I just realized this is a long-ass ride! It’s like 15 minutes!
Black guy #2: Shut up, nigga.
Black guy #1: Is that your breath I smell? It smells like you ate roast beef with a side of shit… and grits.
–1 train
Overheard by: DC
Black guy: Aw, man, you’re missing out if you don’t eat that shit.
Indian guy: I used to eat a lot of shellfish in my heyday. Now I only eat fish… No more shrimp, crabs or lobster.
Black guy: I don’t know what’s up with lobster. That shit tastes like cardboard.
–Elevator, 132nd St
Overheard by: SlumpBuster
Girl #1: I don’t know what I want to eat. I’m trying to decide between sushi and cereal.
Girl #2: All I know is I want something hot. I don’t really care what. This is just one of those times when you want something warm in your mouth, whether it’s a cup of soup or a penis.
–2 train
Hobo: Spare some change?
Man, offering a take-out bag: Here, take this. It’s cheese fries.
Hobo: Cheese fries? No, no, I can’t eat that.
Man: What?
Hobo: I want a real meal!
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: m.
Woman #1: I think there’s peanuts in that chicken salad.
Woman #2: There’s penis in the chicken salad!
Woman #1: How could there be–? Hoo-boy, somebody needs to get laid.
–Deli, 25th & Broadway
Overheard by: Manhattman
Girl wrapped in towel: I’m totally going to put on my body suit… And then I’m going to cook a sausage!
–NYU
Overheard by: Caitlyn
Hispanic male: Ugh, if I see one more sausage, I’m gonna poke myself in the leg.
–Mulberry St
Overheard by: Lucia
Guy on cell: I’m thinking of leaving this business for poultry… No, you need a meat cleaver.
–Fashion District
Overheard by: Emily B.
Thug: Yo, the meat at this place is fresh, son. They got, like, a cow out back, and they be cuttin’ it. The cow be like, ‘Mooo-owww! Mooo-owww!’ Crazy fresh meat, yo. Crazy.
–LES
Chinese-American mom grabbing child’s hand: Don’t touch the meat, or it will bite you!
–Hong Kong Supermarket, 60th & 8th
Art student to another: I can?t believe we have to paint another sausage tonight.
–SVA Building, W 21st St
Old man to friend: I need to go to the Albanian butcher… But I’m afraid to go in there.
–68th St, Queens
Overheard by: Maggie
Guy #1: You have to eat meat. People who don’t eat meat are pussies.
Guy #2: I don’t eat meat for two reasons: A) … Um, you know.
–7 train
Overheard by: kgiacg
Girl on cell: I’m pretty sure Cheez Doodles® not falling out of the vending machine is a sign of the apocalypse.
–63rd & Madison
Overheard by: Gabby
Dude: Would anyone like some cheese?! I have some cheese in my pocket!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Javi
Crazy hobo: If Bloomberg wants cream cheese, I’m damn well not payin’ for it!
–E train, 59th St
Overheard by: dubyaMD
Suit on cell: If you stopped eating macaroni and cheese, your couch cushions wouldn’t be flat.
–70th St & Colonial Rd, Bay Ridge, Brookyn
Overheard by: Steve
Kid on overcrowded bus: Daddy, it smells like butt cheese!
–125th St
Overheard by: I totally did
Fat black lady, running: I want some cheesecake!
–Times Square
Chick #1: I can’t believe he left me three cans of peas. Like that is going to fix anything.
Chick #2: Were they your favorite peas?
Chick #1: I mean, I like LeSeur Peas and all, but not enough to make me forget my husband was fucking another woman.
–Park Slope
Man: The one time I bought a steak from here I left it out and it turned all brown.
Cashier: Yeah?
Man: Yeah… But then the next time I just put it in my pocket and it stayed good all day.
–D’Agastino
Overheard by: kimmy-yo
Headline by: Gaping MAW
Runners-Up:
· “Don’t Ask Where He Keeps the A-1…” – the horologist
· “Gives a Whole New Meaning to Meat-packing” – Gosia
· “He Said, As He Pulled Out His Penis.” – Allan
· “I Got a T-Bone in My Pocket with Your Name on It” – Marc Bernard
· “My Crotch Always Has a Chilling Effect” – Rhys Southan
· “Worst Pickup Artist Ever” – smittie
