Large black woman on cell: Girl! I’m tellin’ you, I don’t know where I gots them warts on my feets. But they nasty! I don’t want to give them to nobody else, so I brought me some lil’ socks, you know… Them cushy foots? Not like Earl, who goes barefoot all over the city with them mushroom funguses on his toes. His toenails be like baby powder! They all crumbly and shit.
Detroit Metro Airport
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Trying not to barf (and glad I wore socks)
Hootchie #1: Yeah, we just got back from a dildo party.
Hootchie #2: And we smell like two-dollar hookers!
Des Moines, Iowa
Chick #1: Oh my god, I was so drunk last night! Do you think Lisa will get mad that I made out with her boyfriend?
Chick #2: Yes.
Chick #1: Well, it wasn’t really my fault.
Chick #2: Yes, it was. You basically went up to him, batted your eyelashes, and started making out.
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Laura
Girl to friend: It’s really weird — every time I hang out with a guy, we end up having sex!
Angelo State University
San Angelo, Texas
Overheard by: adriana
Girl: That’s totally the last time I’m getting pregnant. It takes all the fun out of drinking!
RFK Stadium Metro Station
Washington, DC
Hoochie: That’s why I made my New Year’s resolution not to vomit so much when I’m drunk. Now I do it when I’m sober.
University of Central Florida
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Petty
Hoochie: I would never get my clit pierced there.
O’Bannon’s Bar
College Station, Texas
Hoochie: I do have good morals, I’m just really drunk all the time.
Washington and Lee University
Lexington, Virginia
Hootchie at pool table: Believe me, there is nothing coming out of my vagina!
Jake’s Saloon
Toledo, Ohio
Overheard by: MoNkEyPoX
