College girl: Oh, I’ve never taken an elevator before.
College guy: Oh, great! Well, you’re in for a real treat.
–St. John’s University, Queens campus
Overheard by: Phillyblunt
College girl: Oh, I’ve never taken an elevator before.
College guy: Oh, great! Well, you’re in for a real treat.
–St. John’s University, Queens campus
Overheard by: Phillyblunt
Nerdy hipster to friends: You want nerdy? You know what I did today? I worked on this robot helmet I’m making on my floor. Yep, a robot helmet complete with LED lights — for my girlfriend. See? That’s love right there.
Girlfriend, explaining: I told him we could have butt sex.
Nerdy hipster, emphatically: But not until I finish the helmet!
–L train
Little boy to mail woman: FedEx is better than you!
–80th & West End
Little girl with hands on bull’s balls: Mommy, Mommy! Take a picture of me! I’m going to milk it!
–Wall St Bull
Four-year-old girl, referring to bull’s balls: Touch ’em, Daddy, touch ’em!
–Wall St Bull
Seven-year-old girl, hopping furiously on one leg: My legs are confusing me!
–Corson Ave, Staten Island
Overheard by: Matt
Young boy to mother: I wish you would stop blaming me for all of your life’s problems!
–40th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jay
Conductor: This is your second chance for the A Train. Not so many times in life do you get a second chance. A Train — across the platform.
–C train, 42nd St
Overheard by: deb
Tall black woman: Beyoncé! That bitch! She stole my life!
–PATH, 14th St
Overheard by: Adam A
Suit: You know, I made up my mind to eat Ritz crackers for the rest of my life, and dammit, I’m gonna enjoy it!
–54th & Park
Overheard by: fellow ritz lover
Chick: Then someone put on Linkin Park — can you believe that? I had to just go in the back and smell some pretty soap and pretend I know what I’m doing with my life.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: dave !
Commuter student: Yeah, you know, I want to have a life. I want to get my nails done.
–NYU
Overheard by: because really, what more is there to life?
Little boy: Daddy, I think you and Mommy should have a baby. I want a little brother.
Dad: No, your mother and I aren’t having anymore kids.
Little boy: But how will you and Mommy have any fun?
Dad: We’ll have fun with you!
–Port Authority
Suit #1: Arrrgh! I always wanted a pirate party… Make ye walk the plank.
Suit #2: Yeah, that would’ve been cool. What about a princess party? I don’t understand why only girls got those…
Suit #1: Arrrgh, matey. No kidding.
–Cafe Metro, 39th & 7th
Overheard by: Kelly
Chick: Hey, you’re wearing red, white, and blue. So patriotic!
Dude: Heh, yeah. Go America.
Bushy black mustache guy, fully-clothed in denim: What’s wrong with America?! Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho! Merry everything! When it’s hot in the elevator and the doors open, Santa says, ‘Get out!’ Oh, this is Santa’s floor! Ho, ho, ho! Merry everything!
–Elevator, Fordham University
Overheard by: Kate
Mom holding dog’s leash: Matthew, when you throw a stick, I’m the one who has to run.
Six-year-old son, cheerfully: Okay!
–10th & 8th, Park Slope
Overheard by: EM
Chick #1: Oh my god, what happened?
Dude #1: That taxi just crashed into the building.
Dude #2: Yeah, it was just like in Lethal Weapon 4.
Chick #2: Wow, that’s crazy.
Dude #2: There’s no better way to pick up chicks than at the scene of an accident!
–57th & 7th
Dude #1: Man, let’s get out of here. These girls are ready, and there’s free condoms right over there.
Dude #2: No way, man. I wanna jump around to this music some more.
–Irving Plaza
Overheard by: Jay
