Woman: Thank god it’s Friday!
Subway janitor: Actually, Friday is my Monday.
Woman: [Thinks for a while.] Well, how was your weekend?

–6 Train Station

Dad to young daughter: If you want to hit daddy, you’ll have to take a number.

–Outside Court St. Bagels, Court & Bergen, Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Exhausted dad to loud, hyperactive, young son: Yes, everyone knows you’re here. Terminal six food court line.


Overheard by: Jen

Mother, to seven-year-old son as she enters a liquor store: Jesus, what’s wrong with you? This is why nobody likes you -you’re annoying!

–Outside Liquor Store, W 57th St

Overheard by: PetRunner

Father quizzically looking at waddling toddler: How can you be anti-park? I mean, you’re a kid! You can run around!

–Fort Greene Park

Overheard by: Brooklyn Dodgy

Sassy inner-city mom to dawdling daughter: Get ovah here or I’m going to have to take out my imaginary belt.

–Tompkins Square Park

Mother, to five-year-old daughter picking up cookies: Is that what you eat at daddy’s house?

–The Food Emporium, 88th St

Overheard by: charlotte

Mother speaking sternly to her infant in the baby carriage: Capiche???

–53rd & 9th

Overheard by: AH Hell’s Kitchen

Girl #1: Let’s go to a karaoke bar!
Girl #2: Are you shitting me? My voice sounds like a cat being anally raped!

–East 6th, between 1st Ave and Ave A

Girl to friend: That’s the difference between you and me: I have camp and you have sex.

–Bard High School Early College

Female commuter to male commuter after he accused her of pushing onto train: Just be grateful you had someone to rub against on a Friday night.

–6 train

Overheard by: Carol

Bearded dude: If you can’t tell me within five seconds the most number of fingers you’ve ever had in a woman at one time, I don’t want to talk to you about sex.

–Whiskey Park, Central Park South

Overheard by: Argopelter

Guy on cell, talking to someone’s voicemail: Hi, it’s Reacharound. I’m on my way to the library, but let me know if you want to get dinner later.

–Houston & Sullivan

Overheard by: lish

Chick: Actually, I can’t think of anything that’s not a metaphor for sexual awakening.

–Starbucks, 44th & 9th

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy #1: I’m going to go get a brouhaha.
Guy #2: The brews are downstairs.

–Boat Cruise around Manhattan

Suit #1: It’s not that I don’t like golf, but it is so similar to croquet, yet everyone makes fun of me for playing croquet!
Suit #2: Well, maybe it is because it’s an old lady’s sport.
Suit #1: Well, then goddammit — old ladies sure know how to have fun!

–59th & Broadway

Girl: I haven’t done anything fun this summer. I’m so bored.
Guy friend: Go hunting. Man hunting.

–6 train

Guy: What do you do?
Girl: I’m into fetish photography.

–St. Mark’s & 1st Ave

Yankee: You’re from North Carolina? What is there to do in North Carolina, anyway?
Tourist: Oh, we tip over cows and lynch niggers.

–Havemeyer & Grand, Brooklyn

Overheard by: A Provincial New Yorker

Pre-teen girl on bike #1: Why don’t we go into that building and wait, and then go around the circle and get in trouble again?
Pre-teen girl on bike #2: Okay.

–Washington Square Park