Girl: It’s not that it’s small, it’s just…not that big.
Guy: I wish we could stop talking about this now.
Girl: …Maybe you could just stop shaving.
–CompUSA, 57th & Broadway
Overheard by: Leonor M.
Girl: It’s not that it’s small, it’s just…not that big.
Guy: I wish we could stop talking about this now.
Girl: …Maybe you could just stop shaving.
–CompUSA, 57th & Broadway
Overheard by: Leonor M.
Waitress: Would you care for anything to drink?
British woman: What would you like to drink?
Latina mother-in-law: Whatever you’re having.
British woman: I’m having a glass of poison, would you like a glass of poison?
Latina mother-in-law: Mm-hmm.
British woman: Are you sure you want a glass of poison?
She nods.
British woman: We’ll have two gin and tonics.
–Hanratty’s Restaurant, Madison Avenue
Drunk guy: Well, here we are.
Drunk girl: This isn’t my station.
Drunk guy: I was following you!
Drunk girl: Well, there’s a reason I asked you to walk me to the subway.
Drunk guy: Wow, the blind leading the blind.
Drunk girl: More like the oblivious leading the retarded.
–Broadway-Nassau Street station
Girl: I was walking and there was a group of Dominicans talking on the corner and the only reason I understood what they were saying was because I’ve been listening to a lot of reggaeton.
Guy: They must’ve been talking about fucking someone.
–West 4th & Thompson
Overheard by: Angel V.
Suit on cell: Hey, yeah…Yeah, I just got back from 100 Centre Street. Yeah, Georgie Boy was drooling over counselor’s dick…You know, Georgie Boy: Boy George…That’s right, on his knees drooling over counselor’s dick. Moron lives on Mulberry, right around the corner from 100 Centre Street. They found like six bags of blow, says lots of people stay there, not his, whatever. But he’s shitting in his diaper…What?…Yeah, just six bags, whatever. But he’s drooling over counselor’s dick. I told him, “Don’t worry Georgie Boy”–we only call him “Georgie Boy”–I told him, “Don’t worry, you have a Jewish lawyer.” Do you really want to blow me?…Huh? What?…No!
–Russian & Turkish Baths, East 10th Street
Overheard by: Trey Desolay
Old lady: Where’s the yellow incense for the dead people?
–Titan Foods, LIC
Overheard by: Evan C. Kirchmer
Man: Yo, the other day I see the F arriving as I’m coming down the stairs so I run in, just making it in on time. I hold the door for this girl behind me but I slipped and her head got caught in the
closing door. She turned her head like The Exorcist and just looked at me for a second and then starting screaming. And then other people started screaming while I tried to open the doors again. The conductor finally opened up the doors and she stepped in…and stood right next to me…and stared at me until Roosevelt Island. I just got out there and waited for the next train.
–F train
Overheard by: Lee
Yale guy on cell: Oh, you’ll like this. So, I hooked up with this girl this weekend, and got a handjob from her…But, the thing is, she had one hand…No, she had an arm, just no hand. And she gave me a handjob. With the other one…I started laughing when she started giving me a handjob, because, well…Yeah. The irony of the whole thing…Yeah, but she was real hot…Huge boobs…I think I’m gonna try and hook up with her again and see if she’ll rub my balls…Yeah, man, with the other one…The other…Yeah.
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: rDave
Vendor guy: I got so much dirt under my nails, you’d think I was a crackhead.
–Fulton Mall
Overheard by: Black Girl Superstar
Crazy guy: It’s the anniversary of the blue angora sweater!
–Pratt Library, Clinton Hill
Overheard by: Tara Topaz
