Girl #1: I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to sleep with him unless we’re in a relationship, but I’m afraid to give him an ultimatum.
Girl #2, after a pause: Well, he wants to sleep with you, so I’m sure he’ll say yes!
–A train
Girl #1: I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to sleep with him unless we’re in a relationship, but I’m afraid to give him an ultimatum.
Girl #2, after a pause: Well, he wants to sleep with you, so I’m sure he’ll say yes!
–A train
JAP #1: Is he a Juddhist?
JAP #2: A what?
JAP #1: You know, a Jew Buddhist.
JAP #2: Oh, yeah, totally.
–7 train
Overheard by: Ein Berliner
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please bear with us, as we are experiencing delays due to train traffic up ahead.
Crazy guy: I knew that! I could’ve told you that! [Burps loudly.] I told you that!
–F train, 75th St, Forest Hills
Overheard by: trench coat commuter
Guy #1: You have to eat meat. People who don’t eat meat are pussies.
Guy #2: I don’t eat meat for two reasons: A) … Um, you know.
–7 train
Overheard by: kgiacg
Australian Girl: Well, our year starts in January and ends in June.
Young man next to her: Oh my god! So you guys are, like, in the year 2010 or something! Fuckin’ weirdos…
–Brooklyn-bound 3 train
Little boy: If you fell down and I saved you, would you love me?
Little girl: Nigga, please — I don’t want yo’ dirty-ass hands touchin’ my dress.
–B train
Overheard by: LSB
Chick #1: If I have sex with you, will you shut up?
Guy: Maybe.
Chick #2: Find an alley and do it, because I’m going to be late for my hair appointment.
–F train, Queens
Girl to friend: I mean, guys just don’t understand how much hotter they are when they can dance. I’d totally date a guy who can dance with me.
Random queer: Me, too!
–Q train
Little grandson: Yo! He gonna go get some dicks!
Ghetto grandma: Where you learn to talk like? [To other passengers] I’m sorry. He needs his medication.
Little grandson: Dicks! Bitch! Coca-Cola!
–N train
Overheard by: CarrieBoo
Girlfriend: I was so sick yesterday until I finally went to the doctor.
Boyfriend: Oh, no! What was wrong?
Girlfriend: Well, um, you’ll find out anyway… I had a UTI. I mean, it’s not an STD, but you can get it from sex…
Boyfriend: But we haven’t been doing it that much!
–1 train
