Old Jewish man: My doorman doesn't like me.
Younger retired Jewish man with dog: Why?
Old Jewish man: If I told you, you wouldn't believe it. I had a bunch of newspapers I had to throw out, but I had to put them in the recycling bin. So I was opening it up when a black woman said to me, “aw, sir, you don't have to go through the garbage!” and she gave me twenty dollars!
Younger retired Jewish man with dog: You didn't keep it, did you?
Old Jewish man: She dashed away down the stairs! I had to.
Younger retired Jewish man with dog: And the doorman saw that?
Old Jewish man: Uh-huh.

–Chase Bank, Queens Blvd

Conductor: Last call for trash… Last call for trash… One last, desperate call for trash…

–Amtrak, Penn Station

Overheard by: wondering why he wanted trash so badly

Lady: I can say this without any rancor in my heart: She is a piece of human garbage.

–Houston & Hudson

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

JAP on cell: Ugh, I hate when they ask me to buy a Coach purse! I wouldn’t even buy it retail. Like, really, do I look like white trash?

–Canal St

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this is a reminder not to litter on the trains… ‘Cause if you litter, I’ll get all up in your grill like George Foreman. Thank you.

–R train, Whitehall station

Overheard by: creepy

Guy on cell: Guess what I did yesterday? I peed in a bottle… Wait, that’s not even the best part! Afterward, I threw it down the trash chute. What? Too much information?

–33rd St, between 3rd & Lex

Overheard by: Emily Duncanson

Hip Woman: Excuse me, I think you dropped your Metrocard.
UES Woman: I know. It’s not any good anymore.
Hip Woman: Oh, so now the floor is a garbage can?
UES Woman: That depends on your interpretation.
Hip Woman: Who interprets the floor of the bus as a garbage can? Man, I sure would hate to see your apartment.

–M15 bus

Black hobo #1: Cause white people throw out all kinds of shit…
Black hobo #2: You know they do!

–27th & 2nd

Overheard by: Halal Food Munchies

Thugling to friend tossing banana peel on sidewalk: Yo pick that up! This ain't The Bronx! They'll give you a ticket for that shit up here!
Friend, glancing back: Too late.

–Upper Eeast Side

Overheard by: Turtle shells are better

Lady #1: It smells so nice here!
Lady #2: That would be the sewage.

–Canal St

Gay guy: You know what's so cute, is Europe.

–Mott & Prince

Overheard by: Anna P.

College girl to friend: And I'm like "No, you can't chew on the couch. You can't have couch for breakfast." (pause) But what about you, are there any cute guys in your dorm?

–Downtown 1 Train

Girl on phone: Oh-h-h-h my gawd, girl, you don't even know! And then he goes "Damn, girl you in Delta Gamma? Nothing goes down faster than an anchor!" And then I was just like "Shut up!" but I did it anyways, I mean… he was cute.

–Gates to Fordham University

Man on cell picking through garbage can and walking away with trash in hand: Oh my god, I just found the cutest belt in a trash can! Honestly, the things people throw away!

–118th St & Amsterdam Ave

Gay guy marching in protest to another: The guys in this protest are much cuter than at the last protest I attended.

–63rd St & Broadway

Guy #1 to guy #2, who has just dropped a cigarette: You just littered.
Guy #2: It was a cigarette, that's not trash!

–Fashion District

Bag lady: Heyyy! Look at the size of that turtle! It’s huuuge!
Hobo: That ain’t no turtle — that’s a trashcan!

–Bowery & Rivington

Girl #1: That thing on the tracks — is that a tampon applicator?
Girl #2, hesitantly: It… might be a syringe?
Girl #1: Oh… I’m not sure if I think that’s better.

–F train, 15th St