10-year-old gangsta #1: Yo, I got all kinds of bitches. Right now I gotta choose…
10-year old gangsta #2: Yo, what you talkin’ ’bout?
10-year-old gangsta #1: I got this young bitch… I gotta choose between a girl that’s my age or a younger woman.
–1 train
Overheard by: D. J.
Thugette: What are you doing today?
Thug: Going to Starbucks.
Thugette: Starbucks?
Thug: Yeah. What?
Thugette: That’s so 1960s.
–A train
Overheard by: Dengstein
Little girl: I’m annoying, right? I’m annoying you, right Tío?
Uncle: Yes, you’re annoying.
–6 train
Conductor: Please sit up.
Bag lady lying across several seats, staring at lights: Why won’t everyone leave me alone? [Begins loud, incoherent screaming.]Conductor, backing away slowly: Okay, never mind.
Bag lady, to passenger: So, I tied him up. I gave him a Viagra, and I rode him for seven hours. And that’s why I look like this.
–A train
Overheard by: Urban Cowboy
Loud girl: Ugh! It smells like vagina in here!
Embarrassed friend: Shhh! You’re so loud!
Loud girl: No, seriously. It fucking smells on this train. It smells like a big, sweaty fucking vagina.
Embarrassed friend: It’s not that bad.
Loud girl: Yes, yes it is. Those train doors are the hole, and now we’re standing in a loose, flappy, smelly vagina.
–6 train
Overheard by: it did smell
Chick #1: You know how people will, like, tell their parents a bunch of really horrible lies to make whatever they need to tell them seem not as bad?
Chick #2: Yeah…
Chick #1: I think that’s what I’m gonna do.
Chick #2: What’s worse than getting pregnant, dropping out of school, and moving to Jersey?
–3 train
Young hipster: Remember that guy you used to work with — Carl?
Young suit: Yeah, I always hated that guy.
Young hipster: I saw him the other night, and he was telling me he was going to get ‘Hopeless romantic’ tattooed on his knuckles. I was like, ‘Dude, you cheated on your girlfriend and you have a pending rape case — maybe you shouldn’t get that tattoo.’
–N train
Info booth lady: I only have this map — it’s really not very helpful at all.
Tourist: Great! Thank you! This is exactly what I need!
–N train
Drunk Brit with arm around ugly lady: Oh, Jesus, just walking is making me horny.
–10th & 2nd
Overheard by: emilia
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Your hair is making me horny.
–B train
Overheard by: Janelle
Guy in hoodie: I don’t know — rain gear just doesn’t really turn me on.
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ktg
Loud woman: According to recent research, a nine-month-old fetus can experience an erection.
–Bus to Staten Island
Chick on cell: … And he was, like, rubbing his erection on me, and I was like, ‘Dude, you’re rubbing your erection on me…’
–Fordham University
Lady: What are horny men doing at Build-a-Bear, anyway?
–40th & 5th
Overheard by: don’t wanna know
British lady: It must have eaten some rat poison, because it vomited up its innards and then had just enough strength left to crawl to the door before dying in a dainty pool of blood.
–1 train
Teacher to girl who just cut herself with Exacto knife: Would you stop leaking?! Your blood is going to stain the linoleum!
–Bronx Science engineering class
Overheard by: LSB
Suit on cell: Why isn’t it done? Why isn’t it fucking done? Was it your intention to make my ass bleed today? Was it?
–41st & Broadway
Girl: My grandma always washes my bloody underwear.
–1 train
Guy to girlfriend: Your hair tastes like fake blood.
–Mulberry St
Overheard by: Ashley
Teen chick on cell: I’m going to cut my arm tonight to show you how much I love you! Yes! I’m going to cut it off! Yes! I’m going to wipe all the blood on a napkin and give it to you. How much blood there is is how much I love you… Yes! I! Am! Well, I can’t think of another way to show you how much I love you. I have to prove it somehow! Oh, I have another call, I gotta go.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: still recovering
Hobo, taking long drink from water fountain: Ahhh, water is good! It tastes like blood!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Oh My God
