Crazy Jamaican lady preacher: Jesus died to save your sins!
Angry white man: Yeah, he also died so you’d shut the fuck up!
Crazy Jamaican lady preacher, later: It is not too late to repent!
Angry white man: It’s not too late for you to get off the fuckin’ train, either!
–D train
Overheard by: Mike
Man: Do you know who I am?
Kid: What?
Man: Do you know who I am!
Kid: Uh…
Man: I’m King David! Do you know why I got this medal?
Kid: [Silent.]Man: For slaying Goliath!
–7 train
Overheard by: Matt
Preppy girl to friend: I vote to ban fat people from trains. [Woman nearby throws angry look.] Just at rush hour! [Woman mutters under her breath.] Local-only chub train?
–Crowded 3 train
High school student #1: I hate history. I’m flunking it, man.
High school student #2: Yeah, dude, I hate history. All we learn about is old stuff.
–2 train, 42nd St
Hobo: My, you are dressed sharp.
Suit: Thanks. [Hands him a dollar.]Hobo: You so sharp, I’m afraid to touch you ’cause I’ll get cut! You know, ladies love the sharp-dressed men!
–Manhattan-bound 7 train
Overheard by: Lady Who Loves Him
Old lady: Move! Move, move, move! Get out of my way!
Suit: Say, ‘Excuse me’! God, it’s called manners!
Old lady: I did say excuse me! Now move!
12-year-old thug: Fight! Oooh, fight! They gon’ fight!
–1 train
Two-year-old boy into broken cell: Hello? Hello?
Mom: That’s right!
Two-year-old boy: Mommy? Mommy! Mommy!
Mom: Honey, no yelling!
Two-year-old boy, whispering: Mommy! Mommy! [Turns the cell around, using it as a gun.] Bam! Bam! Bam, bam, bam! [Starts ‘shooting’ passengers.] Bam! Bam! Bam!
Mom: Honey! No acts of violence!
–Brooklyn-bound Q train
Overheard by:
Black girl: So, she told me that she was into pussy and asked if I was, and I’m like, ‘Ew, hell no!’ That’s just gross. I don’t want to look at that. Vaginas are just nasty. Don’t want to put my mouth on that shit.
Friend: Why not? Guys do all the time.
Black girl: Whatever — that’s their job. Haha, it’s what they get.
–A train
Lady #1: … And I know he still wants me just by seeing the way he looks at me still.
Lady #2: But he told me he’s done wit’ you!
Lady #1: Look, when it’s late at night and he ain’t got nothin’ to do, who is he gonna call? Not the Ghostbusters!
–6 train
Overheard by: Ari
Hobo at end of rant: God bless John Lennon and Marvin Gaye, because John Lennon said, ‘All you need is love,’ and Marvin Gaye said, ‘What’s goin’ on.’
Old lady: Now, that’s a nice thing to remember.
–7 train
Overheard by: Tom
