Hobo: Ahhh.
Girlfriend: Ewww, he peed on me!
Boyfriend: And you’re wearing sandals!
–Q train
Hobo: Ahhh.
Girlfriend: Ewww, he peed on me!
Boyfriend: And you’re wearing sandals!
–Q train
B&T girl #1, about rowdy drunk lady who left car: Oh my god, that woman was on crack.
B&T girl #2: I know, right?!
B&T girl #1: She was, like, 40 years old and reeking of midlife crisis.
–C train
Man: Is she serious? Is this broad serious?
Hipster chick who bumped into him: You talkin’ to me?
Man: Yeah, lady, I am talkin’ to you!
Hipster chick: Hey, buddy, as if your fat ass doesn’t bump into people everywhere you go.
Man: Well, actually, if my ass was half as big as yours, I bet it would!
Hipster chick: You only wish you had my ass.
Man: Yeah, you’re right. [Pauses, then gets noticeably calmer] Good thing you’re from New York or I’d have to kick you in the face.
Hipster chick: I’m not from New York. I’m from Toronto.
Man: Where is that, Antarctica?! Get outta my face!
–2 train, CPW
Overheard by: ginger balls
Conductor: This is West Fourth Street. Transfer is available to the A, C, E, F, and V trains.
Four-year-old girl: Mommy, he doesn’t sing his ABCs right.
Mom: That’s because he didn’t go to college.
–A train
Crazy guy with headphones: Do you think Jesus set up a hit against Satan when he was resurrected?
Suit: I don’t know.
–2 train, Fulton St stop
Man: So, where are you from?
Woman: Boston.
Man: Oh, yeah. That’s in Chicago, right?
–2 train
Little girl: Mommy, can we steal these?
Mother: Not today.
–N train
Overheard by: Shannon
Headline by: chris s.
Runners-Up:
· “Daddy and Timmy Take Mondays” – torqued
· “Monday’s Child Is Fair Of Face, Tuesday’s Child Robs the Place” – h
· “Remember, Rape First, Then Pillage.” – Kristen
· “Today, Mommy’s Going to Teach You How to Turn Tricks!” – jane
· “We’re Just Casing The Joint Today, Sweetie” – Paul K.
· “When Winona Learned Not to Ask” – Tory
· “Would You Pay Attention to the Calendar I Gave You?” – sr86
Conductor: Due to an incident, the L train is now running at a slower speed.
Chick, to friend: You see?! You see?! It’s always a body with the L train. With the L train it’s always a body.
–L train, 6th Ave
Overheard by: Hannah
Mom: Sit down!
Eight-year-old daughter, dancing: No! Someday I’m going to make lots of money dancing!
–Canarsie-bound L train
Wifey: There was another one! A dark-headed one with blonde hair!
Suit hubby: Wait… What?
–F train
Overheard by: Happy I’m not the Skunk Person
