Wifey: There was another one! A dark-headed one with blonde hair!
Suit hubby: Wait… What?
–F train
Overheard by: Happy I’m not the Skunk Person
Wifey: There was another one! A dark-headed one with blonde hair!
Suit hubby: Wait… What?
–F train
Overheard by: Happy I’m not the Skunk Person
Puerto Rican woman: So, if you hadn’t been born boricua, what nationality would you want to be?
Puerto Rican man: Black.
Puerto Rican woman: Awww, it’s not that small, mi amor.
–B train, 50th St
Overheard by: Hablo Español!
Toddler, pointing out window: Bitch!
Grandmother: Bridge. It’s a bridge.
Toddler: Bitch!
–F train
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Chick #1: Didn’t you wear that yesterday?
Chick #2: Yeah, but I didn’t sleep at home last night.
Chick #1: You stayed at your boy’s place? You’ve been dating forever! Don’t you keep clothing there?
Chick #2: I do, but I was fucking my boss. I need a raise.
Chick #1: I did that once, and it so worked.
–1 train
Overheard by: On the periphery
Little girl: Daddy, when you die do we get all of your money?
Father: Well, that won’t happen for a very long time.
Little girl: Daddy, how much money do you make?
–A train
Overheard by: A Chan
Outgoing misogynist: See, my friend gives you a nine, but that’s because he loves Puerto Rican women. I give you a seven-and-a-half. [Lady nods without looking up from her magazine.] So, what do you think?
Head-in-hands misogynist: I think you just embarrassed me.
Outgoing misogynist: I think you overshot with that nine, that’s what I think.
–4 train
Overheard by: Alex
Subway preacher: There is only one way to heaven, and it is by the son of god. You must repent or you will be damned…
Guy just getting on train, seeing preacher: Oh, fuck no. I don’t need this in my life today! [Walks off train.]Subway preacher: You must repent if you will be saved…
–1 train
Overheard by: Nathan
Girl looking at ad for Flight of the Conchords: I have family in New Zealand.
Boy: What the fuck is wrong with your family? They’re, like, all over the place.
Girl: Well, they’re rich.
Boy: But you’re not. [Pause, then] We should kill them.
–B train, Church Ave
Overheard by: Kris N.
Lady: Gentlemen, please. Would you lower your voices? [Unruly teen unleashes stream of Spanish curses, then prepares to disembark.] Jack, do I look like I understood a word you said? All of that was wasted energy. Never insult anyone in a language they don’t know, because then it doesn’t mean shit.
–4 train, 161st St
Urban gentleman: Yeah, you can buy the naked cowboy’s picture in Times Square for, like, 25 dollars.
Urban lady: For real? Damn. He hot, though. He definitely waxing. In those briefs, nigga’s gotta be gettin’ a Brazilian.
Urban gentleman: Yeah, I ain’t no homo or nothin’, but how’s he not get hard walkin’ around in nothin’ but briefs?
Urban lady: It’s called ‘entertainment.’
–6 train
Overheard by: Barry Negrin
