Guy: Hey, have you ever been to Alcoholics Anonymous?
Girl: No, I’ve never been to a triple-A meeting.
Guy: No dumbass, it’s AA for Alcoholics Anonymous.
Girl: Oh, yeah? Well what does AAA stand for?
Guy: Association…of…American…no, wait…Automobiles? Fuck, I don’t know. It’s for cars, stupid.
–E train
Overheard by: Dan & John
A guy walking down the steps slips but manages to catch himself.
Guy #2: Nice recovery.
Guy #1: Easier than rehab!
–22nd & 9th
Overheard by: Ari Fleischer
Teen boy: Didn’t you know those iPod headphones are bad for you?
Teen girl: No, they’re not.
Teen boy: Uh huh. Look in your manual. It says to throw them away as soon as you buy them.
–F train
Overheard by: sarah kauffman
Dude: Wait, who’s Pete?
Chick: Pete’s the guy who’s sleeping with John’s girlfriend.
Dude: Oh, right.
–Office, 48th & 6th
Overheard by: this guy
Guy #1: You mean the roommate who sleeps naked on the top bunk?
Guy #2: No, that’s Bobby. I’m talking about Steve. He’s the one who farts all the time.
Guy #1: My bad.
–81st & Broadway
Overheard by: Dr. X
Guy #1: I shouldn’t even pay rent in my house, I’m out so much. I should be homeless; I’m barely ever there.
Guy #2: You could live at the ASPCA!
Guy #1: Yeah, the ASPCA. It’s a good place to live. My ex-girlfriends live there.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal, Staten Island
Overheard by: Barnaby McSwooptang
Man: All our stores are in the St. Louis area.
Woman: So all your stores are in Ohio?
–Javits Center
Girl #1: You shouldn’t waste all that food; there’s people in countries like China who are starving and would love to eat that.
Girl #2: …People in China don’t starve; they have Chinese food there.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Carly
Tourist lady: Um, I have a non-train related question.
MTA guy: What?
Tourist lady: Is there a nice place to get some coffee or tea around here?
MTA guy: Yeah, outside.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: rod vanderlaan
Announcement: Please be nice going on and off the escalators.
–Smith-9th Streets station
Overheard by: Fulcanelli
Girl #1: I don’t understand why they gotta say “How you doin'” and “Have a nice day.”
Girl #2: They’re trying to be nice, stupid.
–KFC, 125th & 7th
Overheard by: Edwina P. Garza
Guy #1: …he always wears the cheapest clothes but always has the most expensive sneakers!
Guy #2: Yo, white people bug me. They always wear crappy clothes, they be wearing green shirts, brown shirts…
Girl: But they always have nice cars, houses, they go on nice vacations. I’d rather wear cheap clothes and have a nice house and go on nice vacations.
Guy #1: You’re missing the point!
–N train
Overheard by: tanechka
Tourist girl #1: Stop acting like a tourist!
Tourist girl #2: But I am a tourist!
Tourist girl #1: But it’s embarrassing.
Tourist girl #2: If you’re embarrassed over what a ton of people you’ve never seen before and never will see again think, you’re never going to have any fun. Tourists are allowed to act like dorks.
Tourist girl #1: Then why do you make fun of tourists in Boston?
–Doubletree Metropolitan Hotel, Lexington Avenue
Hag: I can’t imagine dropping off my brother at the airport all like, “I’m okay with never seeing you again ’cause you might die in battle.”
Queer: Well, at least he gets a whore.
Hag: What?
Queer: ‘Cause you know they get whores in wars.
Hag: What are you talking about?
Queer: Hello? World War II?
–Olive Garden, Times Square
