NYU student: What’s on that pizza?
Dining hall employee: Meat.
NYU student: What?
Dining hall employee: And tomato.
NYU student: Chicken?
Dining hall employee: No, tomato. Tomato!
NYU student: Yeah, but what’s the meat?
Dining hall employee: Meat.
NYU student: What kind of meat?
Dining hall employee: Meat. I don’t know. Meatloaf.
–NYU Dining Hall
Overheard by: sjhaughty
Substitute teacher: How do you spell ‘attendance’?
Student: Oh, why? Are you doing a crossword puzzle?
Substitute teacher: I’m taking attendance; what the fuck do you think I’m doing?
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Never Missed a Class
NYU student #1: I think our degrees will definitely appreciate in value over our lifetimes.
NYU student #2: Yeah, dude, especially when the rest of the world is destroyed and New York becomes Mega City One.
–Juan MacLean concert, Union Square
Overheard by: deke shearon
Student: I don’t know why, but I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and maybe you could, like, help me out and clear this up or whatever. So, what about death and stuff?
Philosophy professor: That’s a great segue…
–NYU
Teacher: If you were convicted of murder, who would you send to ride to the king to get a pardon?
Student: A rider.
Teacher: Can you spell that? Do you mean a ‘writer’?
Student: R-I-D-E-R — someone who is good with horses.
Teacher: So what is important is his sportsmanship?
Student: Maybe a servant? A friend of the king?
Teacher: What is one of the oldest professions?
Student: A prostitute?
Teacher: A lawyer!
–New York Law School
Teacher: Do you know who the Evangelists were?
Student: Weren’t they, like, God’s bitches?
–Parson’s Art History class
Guy on bike: You look like you might need some help. [Hands student a business card] I mean, I can help you.
Student: What?
Guy on bike: Uh, ummm, I sell weed.
–Columbia University Campus
Overheard by: Mike Schwartz
NYU chick #1: So in my class today we were talking about eunuchs — you know, like from the middle ages and shit — and whenever I hear ‘eunuch,’ I think of Munich, like the city.
NYU chick #2: Um… Maybe because it rhymes.
NYU chick #1: No shit it rhymes, but whenever people talk about China do you start to think about a vagina?
NYU chick #2: You’re weird.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: thank god i’m not in college anymore
Drama Major: If I have to hear one more thing about Ancient Greek or Roman Drama.
Drama Minor: Oh, I know.
Drama Major: I have Oedipus coming out of my ass!
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Douche
Guy: Just look! Look behind us! There’s nobody! I just bought coke. Look, just give me 20 back and I’ll leave you alone all night. I swear. I don’t go to F.I.T. I go to West Point.
–8th Ave & 25th St
