Adult student: It does matrices, too. They’re sorta tricky… You have to kinda slowly drag them out–
Student tutor: –That’s so hot!
–NYU computer lab
Overheard by: matrices maiden
Adult student: It does matrices, too. They’re sorta tricky… You have to kinda slowly drag them out–
Student tutor: –That’s so hot!
–NYU computer lab
Overheard by: matrices maiden
Law student, about class: Man, I just wish they didn’t give it a sexy title like ‘International Cartel Enforcement’ and then have it turn out to be about how many copies of a paper to file.
Friend: Yeah, man. That’s like going into a strip club and finding out that it’s dudes stripping.
–Fordham Law School
Professor: What words do we get from the name Aphrodite?
Student #1: Hermaphrodite.
Professor: Yes — from the union of Aphrodite and Hermes. What else?
Student #2: Aphrodisiac!
Professor: Good! And what is an aphrodisiac?
Students: [Silence.]Professor: Are you all Victorians? Come on… What’s it called when one uses something to arouse sexual appetite?
Student #3: Necrophiliac! [Class laughs.]Professor: I have to advise you to invest in a dictionary, as it’s simply prudent to know the difference between a necrophiliac and an aphrodisiac. Hopefully, you won’t ever need to thank me for that.
–NYU
Overheard by: Cairo
NYU guy #1: I was watching that Dateline show, To Catch a Predator last night on TV.
NYU guy #2: Chris Hansen is the world’s biggest cock-block.
NYU guy #3: Chris Hansen? Didn’t he invent the Muppets?
–NYU Palladium Dining Hall
Freshman #1: Oh, look, there’s Joe*. Does he still do cocaine?
Freshman #2, whispering: Well, no. But now he lives on caffeine pills… [Then, more dramatically] And Mountain Dew.
Freshman #1, gasping: Oh my god!
–Columbia dorm
Boy #1: The fact is, KFC is the best.
Boy #2: Never! Burger King all the way. Does KFC have chicken fries?
Boy #1: Does Burger King have Colonel Sanders?
Boy #2: … Good point.
–Stuyvesant High
Overheard by: Best and Brightest in NY?
45-year-old man: … And since I’m on my way to a business meeting, this drink I just bought you is tax deductible.
College girl: Well, that’s nice, I guess.
45-year-old man: Yeah, you’ve got a big butt and you’re tax deductible. That’s how I like them.
–Coffee Shop Bar, 14th St
Headline by: Snark Sloper
Runners-Up:
· “Accountant Pickup Line #65337-2366-26637-1” – Works For Me
· “Baby Got Back. — Cf, Form 1040 Schedule C Line 27” – chris
· “Monica Lewinsky: This Sounds Familiar…” – D. Kareem
· “Until She Capital Gains All That Weight” – Vasyl
Freshman girl #1: Yeah, I’m totally getting into this whole finals mentality thing, you know?
Freshman girl #2: Yeah, and then all the holidays with good food are coming up…
Freshman girl #3: Oh, yeah, like Christmas with cookies and Hanukkah with gelt…
Freshman girl #2: Wait, what did you just say?
Freshman girl #3: Gelt?
Freshman girl #2: What about Kwanzaa?
Freshman girl #3: Um… I mean, I don’t really know what they eat…
Freshman girl #2: Nuts and berries, right?
–Barnard College
NYU professor: So, you don’t know who Robin Hood is or who the three little piggies are? Really? Where did you grow up?
Student: The Bronx.
–Politics class, NYU
Overheard by: jmd
Hunter student #1: So, are you a senior this year?
Hunter student #2: Is senior when your supposed to graduate?
Hunter student #1: Yes.
Hunter student #2: Okay, then yeah, I’m a senior.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Thomas
