Young English teacher: Yeah, so it takes me about 10 minutes to walk from my apartment to the subway, and on the way there’s this homeless guy on the corner who is always getting really angry at some invisible person. Then he disappeared for, like, two weeks, and I’m like, ‘Oh, he must’ve died — that’s so sad,’ but then he came back and I was like, ‘Okay, cool.’
Student: What does this have to do with The Odyssey?
Young English teacher: You guys really need to focus.
–Stuyvesant High
College girl: You can’t just call me ‘bitch’ and then everything’s okay.
College boy: You sure?
–12th & Broadway
Overheard by: melzie
Columbia girl: I fucking hate people who go to NYU.
Columbia guy: Me, too. They’re so, ‘Oh, look at me! I’m so artsy and don’t shower.’
Columbia girl: Yeah, and they smoke weed and do acid! Coke is so much classier.
–Tom’s Restaurant
Overheard by: Liz
NYU drama queen #1: I mean, we’re smearing pollen all over him… It’s going to be sticky.
NYU drama queen #2: What are we using for that?
NYU drama queen #1: Corn starch. We were going to use Tang, but that would stain everything…
–E 9th & Ave A
Overheard by: Bailey
Lady suit: Do you know what your skirt is doing?
NYU student: Is it blowing up again?
Lady suit: Yes. Everyone can see your entire ass.
NYU student: You love it.
Lady suit, snorting: Not really.
–12th & 3rd
Overheard by: Jenna
Student #1: So, are you taking any other art history courses?
Student #2: Yeah, that’s my major — I’m taking a million.
Student #1: This class is so hard.
Student #2: It’s okay, I guess…
Student #1: Is it just me, or did you think this class was going to be about pilgrims?
Student #2: Well, it is… I don’t know. Didn’t you read the course description?
Student #1: Yeah, but I thought it was going to be about the kind that eat turkeys and pumpkins…
–The Met
Student: I think social deviance is relative.
Professor: That’s a good theory. Explain it.
Student: Well, if you’re a New Yorker and a stranger goes up to you and says hi, you’d be like, ‘Why the hell are you talking to me?’ But if you’re from California, you’d be like, ‘Oh, hey, this stranger is saying hi to me!’
Professor: That’s because everyone in California is perpetually on crack.
–Sociology, Fordham University
Overheard by: Sromeo
Ghetto poser kid watching kids eat snacks: Stop the gluttony! Stop the gluttony! I see you! You’re going to hell! [Snacks are eventually passed to him.] Ahhh… [takes a huge handful]. The gluttony will never end! The sin feeds itself!
–Stuyvesant High
Overheard by: fellow glutton
Junior girl #1: I know! So many people are getting mono now — it’s ridiculous.
Junior girl #2: I know! Kaitlyn and I agreed that if one of us gets it, we’re giving it to the other.
Junior girl #1: Why?
Kaitlyn: Because you get sooo skinny when you get mono! It’s, like, the best way to lose weight!
Junior girl #1: Oh.
–Dining hall of private school
Slacker: … So I told them, stick close behind me and I’ll get you out of this. And there was about five of them, and they stuck close behind me and I got them all out.
Slackerette: And you were Johnny-on-the-spot with my overflow toilet!
–15th & 8th
