Freshman #1: Oh, look, there’s Joe*. Does he still do cocaine?
Freshman #2, whispering: Well, no. But now he lives on caffeine pills… [Then, more dramatically] And Mountain Dew.
Freshman #1, gasping: Oh my god!
–Columbia dorm
Freshman #1: Oh, look, there’s Joe*. Does he still do cocaine?
Freshman #2, whispering: Well, no. But now he lives on caffeine pills… [Then, more dramatically] And Mountain Dew.
Freshman #1, gasping: Oh my god!
–Columbia dorm
Boy #1: The fact is, KFC is the best.
Boy #2: Never! Burger King all the way. Does KFC have chicken fries?
Boy #1: Does Burger King have Colonel Sanders?
Boy #2: … Good point.
–Stuyvesant High
Overheard by: Best and Brightest in NY?
45-year-old man: … And since I’m on my way to a business meeting, this drink I just bought you is tax deductible.
College girl: Well, that’s nice, I guess.
45-year-old man: Yeah, you’ve got a big butt and you’re tax deductible. That’s how I like them.
–Coffee Shop Bar, 14th St
Headline by: Snark Sloper
Runners-Up:
· “Accountant Pickup Line #65337-2366-26637-1” – Works For Me
· “Baby Got Back. — Cf, Form 1040 Schedule C Line 27” – chris
· “Monica Lewinsky: This Sounds Familiar…” – D. Kareem
· “Until She Capital Gains All That Weight” – Vasyl
Freshman girl #1: Yeah, I’m totally getting into this whole finals mentality thing, you know?
Freshman girl #2: Yeah, and then all the holidays with good food are coming up…
Freshman girl #3: Oh, yeah, like Christmas with cookies and Hanukkah with gelt…
Freshman girl #2: Wait, what did you just say?
Freshman girl #3: Gelt?
Freshman girl #2: What about Kwanzaa?
Freshman girl #3: Um… I mean, I don’t really know what they eat…
Freshman girl #2: Nuts and berries, right?
–Barnard College
NYU professor: So, you don’t know who Robin Hood is or who the three little piggies are? Really? Where did you grow up?
Student: The Bronx.
–Politics class, NYU
Overheard by: jmd
Hunter student #1: So, are you a senior this year?
Hunter student #2: Is senior when your supposed to graduate?
Hunter student #1: Yes.
Hunter student #2: Okay, then yeah, I’m a senior.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Thomas
College girl #1: I don’t understand you! How can you watch that movie for five hours! They barely even kiss!
College girl #2: You want them to throw down and have sex? It was 1811! There was no sex!
–Kissena Blvd, Queens
Overheard by: Mrs. Darcy
Female student: How do you feel about always being a supporting role and never getting to be the leading man?
Matt Dillon: [Silent.]Male student: You’re my leading man!
–School of Visual Arts
Overheard by: terd fergeson
Columbia student #1: So, Matt, you watched gay porn for three hours?!
Columbia student #2: What? It was for a project!
–117th & Broadway
College student #1: People keep calling me a ‘n00b.’
College student #2: I hate that. In the two games I was ever good at I’d never call people n00bs.
College student #1: I know, me, too… I find it hilarious, but it hurts…
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: zimmerfidget
