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Like You Did About That Whole HIV Thing
Teen boy: No, I can't hide a bottle there. She makes me do it with the door open. She'll see.
Teen friend: She's going to watch you pee?
Teen boy: No, I have my back to her, but she'll notice a bottle. Maybe I can use a Visine bottle.
Teen friend: Just tell her that a positive result is good and negative is bad.
--B1 Bus
Let Us Pray
Orthodox Jewish man #1: We're sending her to Westchester for her eating disorder.
Orthodox Jewish man #2: Is that like a fat farm? Maybe she'll lose weight.
--Manhattan Beach Park
Overheard by: Vespertinas
...We're a Bank, Sir.
Furious hobo: I just got run over in your parking lot and I can't even get a beer!?
Woman: Sir, we don't even serve beer.
--Northern Blvd, Queens
Better Prepare for Your Troll Years, Sally
Boyfriend: 30 years from now I'm gonna slap the shit out of you.
Girlfriend: Why? 'cause I'll be 51?
Boyfriend: Yes. You'll be ugly!
--Grand Central Terminal
Like That Awesome Hobo Who Urinated on Us Earlier!
Tourist: I read about this place in that New York book I got from the library.
Guy in line: Did it also tell you that when it's a full moon everything is half off?
Tourist to friend: Dude! We should just both get the large, then.
Friend: I love this town and its little quirks like this.
--Gray's Papaya
Sacha Baron Cohen, Is That You?
Drunk British guy to woman with small dog: My god, your dog is beautiful!
Woman: Thanks.
(British guy leans down and makes sexual motions near dog)
Woman: Stop, oh my god!
British guy, getting up: Lady, can you not see that I'm just trying to appreciate a beautiful dog! (runs away)
--Ave A & 9th St
Bait Like This Calls for a Bigger Fish
Comedy club guy: Are you ready to be dazzled by comedy?
Cute girl: Do I look like a fucking tourist to you?
Comedy club guy: Well, are you ready for a boyfriend then?
Cute girl: Maybe if you looked better.
--42nd St & Broadway
The iTouch App We've All Been Waiting for
Blonde #1: I just got my boobs done!
Blonde #2: Oh, wow! They're so cute!
Blonde #1: They don't look too big or rock hard, do they? They hurt so much, I feel like a damn porn star!
Blonde #2: No, they look awesome!
Blonde #1: Wanna feel them?
Blonde #2: (squeezes friend's boobs)
--Apple Store, 14th St
Overheard by: Susie
Why Do Billionaires Do Anything?
Vally girl #1: I looove ellen Egenerous, she is soooooo funny.
Vally girl #2: Yeah!
Vally girl #1: I hate Dr Phil, he is soooo mean, but I looooove Opera, I mean love her. Why did she copyright her name? I mean, why?
--A Train
Overheard by: Chris DeLuca
Raise Your Hand If You Love Drunk Talk
Guy #1: So I spent most of the night at her place, but we only made out.
Guy #2: Dude, she wanted to fuck you!
Guy #1: I know, I don't know what I was doing.
Guy #2: Well, dude, you did fuck her!
Guy #1: What'ya mean?
Guy #2: She wanted to fuck you, but you didn't fuck her, right?
Guy #1: Right.
Guy #2: She got fucked!
--Lolita Bar
It Raised the Nation's Spirits After Iran-Contra
12-year-old girl: Did you hear what I said about really famous people?
Uninterested mother: No.
12-year-old girl: Well, this will be my first time seeing a really famous person, not just a famous person. Because Full House was important to everyone!
--Mills Theater, before Performance of Bye Bye Birdie
Gin and Sour Defeat
Guy in car to cop: Can you help me out with directions?
Cop: Yeah, sure. Where are you going?
Guy in car: Staten Island.
Cop: Yeah, you smell like you're going to Staten Island.
--Shea Stadium Parking Lot
Overheard by: BigVinnyVito
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