Cop to loud ghetto kids strutting through train: Excuse me, but you can’t be walking through the trains like this.
Ghetto girl: Ex-cuuuse me?
Ghetto boy: Yo, don’t be sayin’ shit. Let’s be out — I don’t wanna go to jail today.
–Manhattan-bound 7 train
Lady: Maybe we should go get some soup for your daughter instead of the vegetable Tempura.
Mother of young girl: Why?
Lady: Because she’s not eating the vegetables — she’s just drinking the Tempura sauce.
Mother: Oh. That’s fine.
–Food court, Mall
Guy #1: Thank God we cant get pregnant.
Guy #2: Yes! [Slaps high-five.]Drunk girl: Normally I’d slap you five, but I stopped taking birth control last week… So if anyone wants to impregnate me, now is the time!
–Penn Station
Black mom: You chokin’?
Son: [Choking.]Black mom: Hmmm?
Son: [Choking, grasping at throat.]Black mom, hitting him hard on the back, causing him to cough something up: There. Now quit jumpin’ and movin’ when you eatin’ a lollipop.
–13th & University
Overheard by: Mathew
Guy #1: There’s a laundromat! Should we get off?
Guy #2: No, let’s get off on the way back. Then we’ll be on the right side.
Guy #1: We’re on the right side now.
Guy #2: But there’s no way down to the street on this side.
Guy #1: The stairs are right there.
Guy #2: But they aren’t safe.
–Metro-North
Nanny: So, do you like being poor?
Obviously-not-poor child: Can I have a cookie?
Nanny: Maybe you should think about how you don’t like being poor instead of cookies.
–W 77th, between Broadway & West End
Overheard by: Jen
Chick #1: If I have sex with you, will you shut up?
Guy: Maybe.
Chick #2: Find an alley and do it, because I’m going to be late for my hair appointment.
–F train, Queens
Guy to manager: I lost my wallet near here, and I was wondering if anyone turned it in?
Crazy lady at copy machine: Maybe you left it in some boy’s pants.
–Staples, 56th & Park
Son: Mom, you need your eyebrows waxed!
Mother: Daniel, you’re not supposed to say that!
Son, whining: But you need your eyebrows waxed… You need your eyebrows waxed, you need your eyebrows waxed, you need your eyebrows waxed!
–4 train
Guy: Well, maybe you could touch his hair — just a little bit.
Girl, after pause: Do you think that would work?
–49th & 6th
Overheard by: Scarfish
