Young black woman #1: I’m sick of people all up in my face during my job.
Young black woman #2: Yeah?
Young black woman #1: Yeah, people come up yelling, ‘They took my babies away from me!’ and I’m like, ‘Well, maybe you should stop smoking the crack…’
–A train
Overheard by: Jesse
Drunk queer #1: I can’t stand the fucking bitch! I shouldn’t have to sneak you up there! Oooh, we could try it between those buildings!
Drunk queer #2: That’ll show her!
–16th & 6th
Overheard by: Hoping they don’t decide to show me….
Creepster #1: Oh, man! I’m scared I’d never be able to have sex again.
Creepster #2: Naw, man, it isn’t that bad. Just make sure they pierce it in the right spot.
–9th & 6th
Dad: What are you going to do if a boy tries to kiss you?
Little girl: Bop him on the head.
Dad: That’s right — bop him on the head with a stick.
–1 train
Overheard by: Frank Kelly
Son: I wasn’t talking about drinking champagne.
Mom: You don’t know anything. You make a toast with champagne, not 40s!
–Bushwick
Overheard by: Cait O’Connor
Headline by: Hobo Whisperer
Runners-Up:
· “Miss Manners Said So” – John
· “Not According to “Martha Stewart’s Bronx Living”, Mom” – Gabbertoons
· “Parenting on the Rocks?” – crystal
· “Shows What You Know About the Elite and Enviable Life Of the Fratboy.” – danielle
· “Spike Lee Fights the Power” – glenntronic
Conductor: This train will be going express to 137th Street. The next stop on this train will be 137th Street.
Hobo: 137th Street! And if you don’t like it, buy your own train!
–1 train
Overheard by: EthanK
Five-year-old girl: Uncle Joey, we need to move!
30-something uncle: Why? What’s the matter?
Five-year-old girl: There’s cops over there… We gotta move before you get arrested again… [Whispers] You’re still on probation, right?
–139th St, near 40th Precinct, Bronx
Overheard by: What are we teaching our kids?
Conductor, angrily: Stand clear of the closing doors!
Passenger: She need to get laid.
–F train
Overheard by: i do too
Bus driver: Next stop, McDonald’s! You know the song! Old MacDonald had a farm, and on the farm he had a metro card…
–B61 bus, Manhattan Ave, Greenpoint
Overheard by: miss mess
Bus driver: This bus will be making stops in Carlstadt, Moonachie, Little Ferry, Teterboro, Lodi, Garfield, Elmwood Park, and finally, thank God, in Paterson. Take all your belongings with you when you get off the bus, and remember, it is only a bus ride. You can do it.
–42nd & 8th
Bus driver: Okay, people, there are a few foreign words to make people move. They are ‘Excuse me, please’ — let’s all try saying that. Then, when they do move, say, ‘Thank you.’ Give it a try today… Welcome aboard the Q88 bus on this lovely Wednesday morning. I hope all the kids on this bus did their homework, or made up homework this weekend. Remember, get good grades — A’s on your report cards — and pass the Regents and you will have a very good life. If you don’t want to hear this conversation again tomorrow, catch a different bus on your way to school or work.
–Q88 bus
Overheard by: Jenn
Bus driver: Tired of the same old bus stop? Try Madison Avenue — it’s up next!
–M79 bus
Overheard by: Yorkie
