Woman with baby: So I’ve been takin’ these classes, and like they teach you how to draw blood from people and shit, but they have all these funny names for things. Like your skull, they call it the…um…
Woman without baby: Cranium?
Woman with baby: Yeah, the cranium. And they don’t call it “blood”, they call it…cells.
–F train
Overheard by: Miss N.
Chick on cell: That is not true!…No!…I would never do that! Gross! I so did not do that…Did I?…Really?…Oh, well, maybe I was too trashed to remember.
–Times Square
Arty girl: I may be hung over. I haven’t decided yet.
–Metropolitan Bar, Williamsburg
Overheard by: ~dana
Guy: So I find that when I taste champagne with someone, I have nothing to say.
–32nd & 6th
Chick: Wait, I really did sleep with that guy? I need to update my
Excel spreadsheet.
–Montien, 3rd Avenue
Overheard by: djlindee
Erica: Welcome to Applebee’s, my name is Erica. Can I get you started with a drink, or a beverage?
–Applebee’s, W. 225th Street
Overheard by: MissDona
College girl #1: I was just about to slap that bitch of a bus driver, but then I remembered it’s a federal offense.
College girl #2: Federal? I think it’s only a state offense.
College girl #1: Dammit!
–123rd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Julia G
Chick: Hey, did the space shuttle land yet?
Man: No, it’s still circling in space endlessly.
Chick: Really, so are they stuck up there?
Man: I’m kidding. It landed last week.
Chick: So did it land in California or at JFK?
Man: JFK? What the hell are you talking about? You mean the Kennedy Space Center, not JFK! I can’t believe you’re going to be a doctor.
–George Washington Bridge Bus Station
Girl #1: So, have you heard about Reading Lolita in Tehran?
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: It’s, like, the new Kite Runner. It’s about these Afghani women…
–6 train
Stripper chick: I don’t know, there was a detective that used to hang out with us in the club, maybe I could call him. He used to drive me home and shit.
Queer: Um, is he trustworthy?
Stripper chick: Well, actually he’s pretty shady, but whatever.
Queer: Actually, that’s probably better.
Stripper chick: You know, it probably is!
–A train
Chick: What is the difference between the red top and the green top on the soy sauce?
Man: …The red one is spicy.
–Ruby Foo’s, 49th & Broadway
Girl #1: Yum. It tastes like rum!
Guy: It might be rum.
Girl #1: No. It doesn’t look like rum.
Guy: I know. I mean there might be rum in it.
Girl #1: Oh. But it doesn’t taste like alcohol. It just tastes like peanuts.
Girl #2: Huh? Like peanuts?
Girl #1: Yeah. Like coconuts.
–Coney Island
Girl #1: Do you know what movie is playing tonight?
Man: Phantom of the Opera.
Girl #1: Oh!
Man: It’s the 1926 silent version.
Girl #2: How do you make a silent movie from a musical?
–Propect Park Bandshell
Guy: Why do you always have to be a ho?
Girl: I’m good at it.
Guy: Why can’t you do other things you’re good at? Head, yes. Ho, no.
–Lit Lounge, 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: kepler
