Bimbettes

Wednesday One-liners Need to Get Cut Off

Chick on cell: That is not true!…No!…I would never do that! Gross! I so did not do that…Did I?…Really?…Oh, well, maybe I was too trashed to remember.

–Times Square

Arty girl: I may be hung over. I haven’t decided yet.

–Metropolitan Bar, Williamsburg

Overheard by: ~dana

Guy: So I find that when I taste champagne with someone, I have nothing to say.

–32nd & 6th

Chick: Wait, I really did sleep with that guy? I need to update my
Excel spreadsheet.

–Montien, 3rd Avenue

Overheard by: djlindee

Erica: Welcome to Applebee’s, my name is Erica. Can I get you started with a drink, or a beverage?

–Applebee’s, W. 225th Street

Overheard by: MissDona

Convert to Islam and Then It’s OK to Blow Her Up

College girl #1: I was just about to slap that bitch of a bus driver, but then I remembered it’s a federal offense.
College girl #2: Federal? I think it’s only a state offense.
College girl #1: Dammit!

–123rd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Julia G

I’m Sure He Meant Nurse, and Stripper-Nurse

Chick: Hey, did the space shuttle land yet?
Man: No, it’s still circling in space endlessly.
Chick: Really, so are they stuck up there?
Man: I’m kidding. It landed last week.
Chick: So did it land in California or at JFK?
Man: JFK? What the hell are you talking about? You mean the Kennedy Space Center, not JFK! I can’t believe you’re going to be a doctor.

–George Washington Bridge Bus Station

Judge a Book by Its Readers, Not Its Cover

Girl #1: So, have you heard about Reading Lolita in Tehran?
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: It’s, like, the new Kite Runner. It’s about these Afghani women…

–6 train

Bernie Kerik Always Looks Out for His Peeps

Stripper chick: I don’t know, there was a detective that used to hang out with us in the club, maybe I could call him. He used to drive me home and shit.
Queer: Um, is he trustworthy?
Stripper chick: Well, actually he’s pretty shady, but whatever.
Queer: Actually, that’s probably better.
Stripper chick: You know, it probably is!

–A train

The Green One is Watermelon

Chick: What is the difference between the red top and the green top on the soy sauce?
Man: …The red one is spicy.

–Ruby Foo’s, 49th & Broadway

She Loves the Taste of Nuts and Peanuts

Girl #1: Yum. It tastes like rum!
Guy: It might be rum.
Girl #1: No. It doesn’t look like rum.
Guy: I know. I mean there might be rum in it.
Girl #1: Oh. But it doesn’t taste like alcohol. It just tastes like peanuts.
Girl #2: Huh? Like peanuts?
Girl #1: Yeah. Like coconuts.

–Coney Island

First You Make a Zombie Out of a Deaf Composer…

Girl #1: Do you know what movie is playing tonight?
Man: Phantom of the Opera.
Girl #1: Oh!
Man: It’s the 1926 silent version.
Girl #2: How do you make a silent movie from a musical?

–Propect Park Bandshell

But Then You Yell, “Ho, Yes! Ho, Yes!”

Guy: Why do you always have to be a ho?
Girl: I’m good at it.
Guy: Why can’t you do other things you’re good at? Head, yes. Ho, no.

–Lit Lounge, 2nd Avenue

Overheard by: kepler

Or Not Very Subtle

Girl #1: …uh, strapless?
Girl #2: Yeah? Which one?
Girl #1: You know you just asked me what strap on I bought, right?
Girl #2: Oh, shit. I’m not very smart am I?

–Victoria’s Secret, Prince Street

Overheard by: Natalie

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