Wednesday One-Liners Choo-Choo-Choose You

Conductor: Attention downtown passengers. The train that just left the station was obviously not your train.

–6 Train

Woman on cell: Hey, it’s the MTA who should be spanked!

–Rector St.

Overheard by: Ladle

Small girl to mom: I like this train station the best because it has an elevator, and you can see the whole world outside. The whole wide beautiful world.

–Harlem Escalator, 1 Train

Overheard by: Mark Brinker

Guy: I get all my information from subway ads.

–F Train

Overheard by: Thom Cohen

Woman, hearing garbled announcement that E train is running as an F: No! They are takin’ all my E trains!

–E Train

Overheard by: I can has E train?

Crackhead: Make sure to take your newspapers with you on the way out of the train. I’m having company over later and I want it to look nice.

–Franklin Avenue Shuttle

Overheard by: shuttle rider

Posted on October 7, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Druggies, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Subway conductors, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

That’s the Axe Effect, You Gauche Biotech

A crazy man mutters to a girl walking by. She ignores him and keeps walking.

Crazy man: God kill all the lesbians. God please kill all the lesbians. Kill the lesbians. God please kill all the lesbians!
Woman on bench: Yeah, I’m sure it’s because she is a lesbian, and had has nothing to do with the fact that he has three combs stuck in his afro and smells like a dead goat.

–Columbus Circle station

Posted on August 21, 2017
Anger Management, Cleanliness, Crazies, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Women

Why Fingerless Gloves Were Invented

Yuppie wife to husband: I bet I know what those stains are on your gloves…
Husband: I highly doubt I was fingering you with these gloves on.

–Whole Foods Escalator, Time Warner Center

Overheard by: A-Robb

Posted on April 20, 2017
Cleanliness, Clothing, Couples, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Whole Foods, Yuppies

Here's Genesis to Explain

Boyfriend: I found one of those things in my desk today, you know, like for a stamp.
Girlfriend: An ink pad?
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Girlfriend: Did you touch it?
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Girlfriend: Did you wash it off?
Boyfriend, examining finger: Almost.
Girlfriend: Oh my god, why do you have to touch everything?

–Uptown F Train

Overheard by: Laura

Posted on March 9, 2016
Cleanliness, Couples, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Questions

Shouldn’t There Be a Musical Number to Go with This?

(small child is scrubbing the subway walls with a Kleenex)
Child: Oooooh! Dirty!
Mother (holding up hand-sanitizer): We’re anti-bacteriaing the subway.

–A Train

Posted on September 6, 2015
Cleanliness, Default, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Weirdness

…But You're Probably Right About the Shower.

Passenger to woman stumbling on crowded train and talking to herself: Shut up and take a shower you crackhead!
Drug-addled woman: I'm not a crackhead, I'm a dope-fiend!

–A Train

Overheard by: david

Posted on August 13, 2015
Cleanliness, Druggies, Drugs, Insults, On the Subway, Passengers, Women

Hence the Name “1 Train”

Woman #1: So how did you pee when the toilet stopped up?
Woman #2: I used the sink.
Woman #1: Aren’t you afraid you will break it?
Woman #2: I’ma pretty little. Actually I do it all of the time.

–1/9 train

Posted on August 6, 2015
Cleanliness, Diet/Weight, On the Subway, Pee, Women

It’s Important to Have a Cause

Puerto Rican thug #1: Man, you gotta wash yo’ hands before you touch yo’ dick, man. You don’t know what’s on ’em. Don King said that.
Puerto Rican thug #2: True that. Yo… Don King said that?
Puerto Rican thug #1: Yeah, with the hair.

–Restroom, Sony Wonder Lab, Madison Ave

Overheard by: Dan