Guy: When I went down on him, I realized he didn't shower.
Friend: Gross.
Guy: Yeah, I wasn't even gagging because of his dick, but because of his foul stench.

Berkeley, California

Frustrated waitress: There’s not enough Scotchguard in the world to help those sex cushions!

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Hales

Drunk hetero: You’re gay, he’s gay, so what’s the problem?
Drunk queer: He just threw up all over himself.
Drunk hetero: You take what you can get.

The White Front Bar
Philipsburg, Montana

Guy walking out of a narrow alley: That was the cleanest dark alley I've ever been in.

Montclair, New Jersey

Overheard by: Maggie

Girl on phone: So I walked in on my flatmate using my electric toothbrush to… yeah, doing that. And here I am, still brushing my teeth with it. That is just disgusting. Disgusting!

Cape Town
South Africa

Father to teen daughter: We've got the rubber suits, but we're out of talcum powder!

Concord, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Emma W.

Five-year-old girl: I think we got almost all of the blood out, mommy. You know, Liam's blood? We got almost all of it out of the sheets. That was a lot of blood.
Mom: Yes we did, honey.

Rest Stop,Turnpike South
New Jersey

Overheard by: TM

Redneck man with mullet coming out of bathroom: Well, son, that was some mighty fine hand dryer, wudn't it?
Son,excitedly: Yeah, pops, sure was!

Shepherdsville, Kentucky

Overheard by: Chelsea

Woman #1: If I were obsessive compulsive like Monk, I'd pick a cleaner city than San Francisco to live in.
Woman #2: That's why they film it in Canada.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Eric

White trash man to white trash woman: So did you hear the news?
White trash woman: No, what?
White trash man (sighing despairingly): Aggie broke her corn-broom.
White trash woman, looking stricken: Oh, no!

Giant Tiger Store
Napanee, Ontario

Overheard by: Rockbot