Guy in crowd: Don't touch me!
Friend: Dude, maybe you shouldn't say that here.
Guy: No, I mean you–you're the one who peed on your hands.
–All Points West Ferry Line
Guy in crowd: Don't touch me!
Friend: Dude, maybe you shouldn't say that here.
Guy: No, I mean you–you're the one who peed on your hands.
–All Points West Ferry Line
Guy: I’m domestic.
Chick: You are so not domestic.
Guy: I’m a lazy domestic.
Chick: You leave bags of garbage on the floor of your room for days at a time!
Guy: Whatever. Domesticated cows shit inside.
–111th between Broadway & Amsterdam
Overheard by: djlindee
Girl #1: Ew, you’re holding on to the bar?
Girl #2: Yeah, I’m holding on to the bar. If I don’t I’ll fall over.
Girl #1: Ew. That is so gross. That’s like the one thing that grosses me out more than anything.
Girl #2: It’s just a bar.
Girl #1: No, you don’t understand. I would rather have someone pee on my face than touch that thing.
–N train
Guy: Look at these new trousers I bought.
Frat guy: Dude!
Guy: You really like them?
Frat guy: Dude!
Guy: You can buy them too if you want. I won’t be pissed.
Frat guy: Oh my God, those are the pants I returned ’cause I got a stain on the ass.
Guy: Oh, that’s what that was.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Delilah
Wholesome-looking man, walking with several families with kids and carrying a cross: Jesus Christ died for our sins today so that we can all give blowjobs whenever we want!
–Union Square
Girl with food: Do you think I'll get on the JumboTron if I deep throat this pickle?
–MSG: Rangers – Caps Playoff Game
40-something, during high school reunion: How dare you tell my husband I gave you a blowjob? I was a virgin in high school!
–Outside Jake's Dillemma
Women on cell: I told him, if he didn't start shampooing his pubes I would stop blowing him!
–14th St & 9th Ave
Middle-aged Romanian: I heard he gives better BJs than Santa Claus!
–Astoria
Overheard by: Crazy Romanians
Drunk-looking girl on cell: … And I just received a postcard of butts! Things are looking up!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Ladle
Angry soccer mom: Whoever has his or her hand on my ass, you better be one of my kids.
–Staten Island Ferry
Chick on cell: Ew! Ass striations?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Ladle
College girl: I slept at Steve’s dorm. Needless to say, my ass cleared every surface he had in that room. Twice.
–Downtown B Train
Overheard by: Pola
Tall guy on cell: Listen, if you want a white woman to show you her ass all you gotta do is pull out a camera. They drop their panties in a second, at least that’s what I tell the committee.
–Starbucks, Columbus Circle
Conductor over loudspeaker: Aaaand next stop… Yo’ mama’s ass!
–F Train from Queens
Overheard by: Tina K
Guy: I’m tellin’ ya, if a girl’s bathroom is dirty, that means that
her pussy ain’t too clean, too.
Girl #1: Well, I have a clean bathroom.
Girl #2: Well, I’d be surprised if you said you have a dirty bathroom
after this conversation.
–David Barton gym, West 23rd Street
Little boy to dad: Does the Statue of Liberty have a claw?
–Battery Park
Little boy to mother: Will you hurry up? You're slower than my aunt Jebediah in the bathtub!
–Clark St, Brooklyn
Four-year-old boy to mother: And then you fed me…from your belly button!
–Old Navy Store
Overheard by: Joyfully Yours
Little boy playing with friend: Buenos dias, reptile!
–Astoria Park
Overheard by: Julie & Zane
Blond six-year-old, looking at father's New Yorker magazine: What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?
–Doma Cafe
Seven-year-old with Spiderman backpack: Dad, have I lost my youth?
–1 Train
Little girl with pigtails, running to sit with family: We're going to the dark side!
–Sheep Meadow, Central Park
Older woman: I think I should wash my secondary pair of underwear when we get home.
Older guy: I think that’s a good idea!
–69th between 3rd & 2nd
Girl #1: I want to wear adult diapers… So I don't have to go to the bathroom a hundred times a day.
Girl #2: But you'll have to go anyway, to change yourself.
Girl #1: Yeah… like once a day!
–CVS
