Little boy: Daddy, Daddy! I’m a pickle!
Father: I’m happy for ya, kid, but I need some coffee.
–Deli, Staten Island
Little boy: Daddy, Daddy! I’m a pickle!
Father: I’m happy for ya, kid, but I need some coffee.
–Deli, Staten Island
Misguided dad: Honey, what’s wrong?
Little girl frantically grabbing at crotch: I… I… I have a bubble and I’m trying to pop it — right here!
Misguided dad, laughing hysterically: Sweetie, that’s just a queef.
–14th & 6th
Little boy who picked Disney princess goody-bag instead of Superman: Look what I got, Daddy!
Father, to party helper: He also always chooses tiaras over crowns.
Little boy, proudly: That’s because I’m more into girl stuff than boy stuff!
–Deb’s Family Disco, Lexington Ave
Overheard by: Dancing Mermaid
Little boy pointing at St. Patrick’s Cathedral: Daddy, what is that?
Father: That’s a church. Maybe when you’re older we can go inside and look around.
Little boy: Daddy, are there rides in there?
Father: No, no rides.
–51st & 5th
Father: Come on, hurry up, we’re gonna be late!
Three-year-old son: But Dad… [Tugs at dad’s coat.]Father: What did I just say? Not now!
Three-year-old son: But, but it’s important–
Father: It better be the most fucking important thing in the world if you’re gonna keep slowing me down!
Three-year-old son: But it is important!
Father: Fine! [Stops walking.] Well, what is it then, if it’s the most important thing in the world?
Three-year-old son: I love you.
Father, after a pause: Well, that’s great, but this is not the time for love, okay? Got it?
Three-year-old son: I guess so…
–5th & 7th, Park Slope
Overheard by: Mike N
Four-year-old tourist kid: I farted!
Tourist dad: Give me a high five!
–C train
Little girl: Sat-ur-day, Sat-ur-day, Sat-ur-day… I’m going to blow your head off.
Dad: Yeah?
–34th & 9th
Overheard by: Kevin Frost
Mom: What time is the flight tomorrow?
Dad: Seven a.m. We have to get up at 4:30.
Little girl: Mommy, we’re going on an airplane?
Mom: Yes, honey, we’re going to Florida tomorrow.
Little girl: Why are we going to Florida, Mommy?
Mom: We’re going to Grandpa’s unveiling.
Little girl, terrified: Mommy, I don’t want to see Grandpa. He’s dead and scary.
Dad: [Laughing.]Mom: Robert, shut up!
–Christopher & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Surfer Dude #1
Mother: You have to cut her chicken fingers up. I gave her a whole one the other day and she almost choked to death.
Father: I like for her to learn to take bites.
Mother: She’s not ready.
Two-year-old daughter: I’m not ready, Dad.
–Diner, Midtown
Kid: Dad, what’s a novel?
Dad: It’s a story written down in a book.
Kid: What’s a short story?
Dad, staring at kid: Are you freakin’ kidding me?
–Father Demo Square
Overheard by: z-pfeiff
