Little girl: But I want a flower!
Dad: Get married.
–R train
Overheard by: caelwern
Little girl: But I want a flower!
Dad: Get married.
–R train
Overheard by: caelwern
Boy: Mom!…Mom!
Father: Dad. The name is Dad.
–Eli’s, 80th & 3rd
Columbia guy: I don’t think I should see Avenue Q on stage. Whenever I see puppets I start throwing up. Just throwing up all over the place. The same thing with porn. When I’m a father I’m just going to show my kids so much porn that they throw up. Then I’ll turn them into computer geeks.
–114th & Broadway
Overheard by: Maxwell Cohen
Woman: I mean, he got really mad at me after I slept with his father…and it was only one time!
–6 train
Dad on cell: …we gotta go out by ourselves…the fuckin’ kids, they always want something, it never stops!…Yeah?! Well, what the fuck does the little Princess want now?!
–Duane Reade, 14th & 3rd
Dad on cell: Hi, Sammy. How was school today?…Uh huh, what did you do in computers?…What do you mean, you had to show three pictures?…And you were able to do it?…You use Macs in school, right?…Yeah, it’s an Apple. A Mac is an Apple…You know that’s different than the computer you use at home…Yeah, it’s a different operating system…Well, I’m glad you were able to do it. Let me talk to Mommy.
–Acela Express train
Papa thug: Yo, next time someone pushes you like that, you don’t push back, you hear?…you kick him in the motherfucking face.
–12th Street between 1st & A
Overheard by: milo
Her baby daddy: …yeah, she’d be about 15 or 16 by now. But her mom was messin’ around, too, so…She better not come to me 50 years later sayin “she’s yours” cause I don’t play that. Plus, I got a little girl of my own, so I’m good.
–A train
Overheard by: lori dockendorf
Dad: Walking is just like running, only slower.
–Atlantic Avenue mall
Boy: I mean, if it weren’t for the child support, you’d be good, right?
Father: What?
–60th & 3rd
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Dad: Babies have giant heads…and our heads shrink as we get older.
–Museum of Natural History
Teen boy: If we get a family plan we can talk for free.
Dad: I don’t want to talk to anyone, whether it’s free or not.
–78th & Broadway
Dad: Do you want to go home and get s-t-o-n-e-d?
–16th & 5th
Overheard by: braun bowery
Dad: …you’ve got to use your middle finger.
Son: Which one’s the middle finger?
Dad: This one.
Son: Why’s it called the middle finger?
Dad: Because it’s in the middle of your hand, I guess. There’s two fingers on either side.
Son: That’s retarded.
Dad: It may sound retarded, but that’s the way it is.
–Astoria corner store
Teenage girl: So do you get it now?!
Dad: I know honey…J. Lo.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Katia
Old woman: Did you see this play?
Old man: Yes.
Old woman: Well, do you know who the father of the baby is?
Old man: Well, I know it wasn’t me.
–59th & Park
Black guy: They’re taking over! Where the shit am I supposed to eat?
–Rivington Street
Customer: I’ll have a slice of the eggplant.
Pizza guy: You know that’s organic right?
Customer: That’s fine. How long have you guys been organic?
Pizza guy: Oh, about 2 weeks now. The white girls are loving it.
–Delancey & Essex pizzeria
Overheard by: Brian
Dad (to son, 6): Do you want to go to Cafe Pertutti or Oren’s Daily Roast?
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: RPK
Some kids were making gun noises.
Dad: Nah, the trick is to use a silencer.
–Amity Diner, UES
Overheard by: Anastasia Dyakovskaya
Guy on cell: …so then he just punched me, yeah! Just punched me right in the face. Well I figured I oughta get dressed and leave her room, yeah, he was pissed…No, she’s his only kid.
–Empire State Building
